DFC #438

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

When you told Daddy we were going shopping I thought you meant for FOOD! What are we going to eat between now and next month??! Jewelry??!Cadillac Man

Is pleasuring myself with it really a meter violation?NME--

They towed us, an' PJ started crying 'cause he was still in the baby seat, so Billy ran after him and got hit by a cab, so Jeffy hotwired a car so we could get him to the house-spittle, an' he got 'rested! Didja buy me anything?Heath

"You can't use those shopping bags forever to hide your pregnancy from Dad. Sooner or later, the ice cream is going to melt." Tamex

Not only was the color of Thel's sky different, but the sun shone backwards for her alone. My Mother and Her Daughter: A Tug-of-War With Dental Floss, Dolores Keane-Keane, 1979.Stan Xhiao

"Been binging, eh? By the looks of that paper bag, it seems you've also been purging."Riff

"We're walking, we're walking, we're walking, ..."Riff

You better have the plastic soldiers this time, or Dad gets pictures from your "therapeutic massage" marathon.Gen. Sedgwick

I hope that among the lotions, perfumes and lingerie is some goddamm food!Argyle

Dolly's secret prostitution career meets Thel's secret narcotic-dealing career one day downtownBleech_

So! We meet again!jan

Sorry, I can't reach up there to put money in the meter...but I can do a kickass pole-dance for you, if you want!R.J.M.

What's that you say? Where are my pants? They're gone! I'm through with your rules and your society! From now on, Dolly Keane is a free woman!jan without the comma

Jeffy and I were playin' "Frogger". Guess who won?!Nethicus

For a second Dolly almost confused the meter for her mother, but then she realized Thel wasn't that fat.Brandolon Hill

The guy said I had to be out of the car if he was gonna finish your free 106,272 mile tire rotation.TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

Fuck smack -- it was Thel's trips to Godiva that bankrupted us. Sometimes she even sent me out at the same time to get a Whitman's sampler. With the weed money, of course, the bitch." --Dolly Keane, It's Not Easy Being Keane: A Memoirphil

"Boy, this thing goes through more money then Bil getting his heroin fix. Never thought I'd see that"anon

"What the hell took you so long? I've had to pistol whip the meter maid twice already."Helder

You went shopping at Oinger again? You know what that shit does to our garbage disposal!Tom Geller

Hey, bag lady, how's about some coin for the meter so we don't get our ride towed to bumfuck city?R.J.M.

The cop was gonna give you a parking ticket, but I "worked things out" with him. You owe me fifty bucks.Chutney

I don't know what's in there yet, but I call first dibs on whatever's in that bag labeled "Orgasm".tralfie

"In this panel, suppressed for years by the Cowles Syndicate, Bil Keane unwittingly sketched the second gunman on the roof of the Texas Schoolbook Depository Building." -- excerpt from Keane: the Careless Conspirator.tralfie

You know, brainiac, most people carrying body parts in shopping bags use deserted streets...Bad Girl

Damn, Thel. Inner city parking costs more than one of your blow jobs. You are one cheap slut!! Amhorach

"You're on my turf, bitch."Rizzer Roo

Scene 81 of the Zapruder film clearly shows a mortar on top of the old book depository. Oswald would have had all the time he needed to adjust for wind and temperature before bombing Dolly and Thel.jan

"It's funny that you call it 'shopping' . . cause I think that 'throwing a brick through a plate glass window and grabbing a bunch of stuff' seems more appropriate."Hang Lose

I'm feeding meters for total strangers, and hoping the cops see me doing it. It's prison food for me tonight, thank God Almighty!Stefan Jones

Dolly knew she only had to stall Thel for another few seconds, so Billy could line up the shot....Dvandom

Clearance sale at the Salvation Army again?Gen. Sedgwick

There better DAMN well be a normal-sized right leg in one of those bags!zen

Excuse me, ma'am, but have you heard the good news about the book of Morm...oh, it's just you.anon

"Wow! Imagine meeting you here in front of the Adult Pleasurama... What a coincidince!"Deiphage

I hate doing these outdoor shots. There are always so many onlookers and they all shout the same thing: "Hey! Is that really your head?" - Clip from Pomp and Circlevision: Behind the Scenes of Family Circus.Santa Claustrophobia

From looking at these shadows, I'd say this planet has six suns.Mr. ?

"I made $150 while you were shopping! Man, I love Times Square"Eric the Black

Bil Keane defies a hundred years of cartooning tradition by refusing to draw a loaf of French Bread poking out of Thel's grocery bags. The next day, his strip was replaced by "Herman" for good.Elwood

"Sure is a nice car ya got there, lady. Be a shame if something happened to it, eh?"Westur the Unspeakable

Damn Thel, you just don't get it. When you work this corner you work for CASH, not the barter system.theSavage

"Shine? Oh for chrisakes, look who I'm asking!"Helder

"So far I've gotten two solicitations, three wolf whistles, and one attempted abuction. And that was before I even left home."Helder

I sincerely hope there's a sloganed T-shirt in one of those bags. Otherwise, Jeffy's going to be unhappy, and when he's unhappy, the director's unhappy, and we wind up having to reshoot every scene four times. Capiche?Coalcracker

"...an' then a guy in a dog suit paid me fifty bucks to pretend I was a fire hydrant! How was your day?"jeffrey

You know how, if you put a bunch of Dytiscus larvae in a fishtank, only one comes out alive? It's pretty much like that with us.Horselover Fat

"Mommy, you missed it! Daddy's gonna be on Cops!"Westur the Unspeakable

Christ Thel, you only have to fuck them, not make dinner for them.Drummer

"I've been up and down this poor-ass excuse for a sidewalk and I can't find a crack. Guess it's your lucky day."Stan Xhiao

Bil Keane Presents: Shopping Trip. During a trip to the Magnificent Mile, a lesbian prostitute and her deformed daughter suddenly find Chicago's streets populated by sentient dogs. Rated: NC-17. Two and a half stars.Daniel M. Laenker (quietly snatching in the night)

I found out what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that size fifteens shouldn't wear lingerie.Judgement Night

Selling your car. What have you been up to?Gerald's Better Half (salvaging Bad Girl)

Just a jack in the box.. or his severed heart, anyway.Mr. ?

When Jeffy sees these bear claws, he's gonna freak!Bad Girl

"Well, Daddy's hammered, of course, an' you're so hopped up on yer 'scription drugs that you don't know what day it is, and Billy and I both dropped a few tabs, an' Jeffy ate that whole mess of buttons . . so the moral of the story is that Barfy's bringin' the car around." Hang Lose

"Wow, Thel . . it's a resourceful mom that can parlay food stamps and oral pleasure into dinner for six for a whole week!"Hang Lose

"Well, I checked out the sale at Penney's, got a tin of cookies at Mrs. Fields', and watched two strangers drag Jeffy kicking and screaming into a van. All in all, it's been a pretty good day."Helder

I just acquired e-Bay. How was your day?Bad Girl

The judge threw out my motion, but I'm appealing. How was Nordstroms?Bad Girl

I'll catch up! First I have to courier P.J.'s liver to Guatemala.Bad Girl

"It isn't a shadow. You've had a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe since 1957."Bad Girl

At 10:30 AM, Etchasketch City was struck by a minor earthquake.Ken

Those bastards charged me $500 for the fucking recipe! You better believe I'm e-mailing this fucker to every one in the universe!Yakko

Following a crackdown on aggressive panhandlers, downtown visitors had to fend off a never-ending stream of precocious panhandlers, each cuter and shorter than the last. Thel cringed, knowing Webster would be waiting on the next block.Coalcracker

Daddy's strip got cancelled by the Peoria News-Picayune. Spare change?Coalcracker

"NUDE women! NUDE women! RIGHT inside! RIGHT--hey, Mom, get lost, willya? You're driving away business. NUDE women!"Pete

The sperm-burping gutter slut is a person in your neighborhood...in your neighborhood...they're a person that you meet...when you're walking down the street..."-Jester

"Hey, remember last week when we went to the drive-in? And we put Billy in the trunk, so we wouldn't have to pay for his ticket? Turns out we forgot to let him out. So that explains the smell."me, myself, I

"You know, I don't think it makes much difference how many gifts we buy him. Bil's still gonna whip your ass when he finds out you're wearing his loafers without his consent."M

"Hello, Mother!" I see you have bags full of the misery of the oppressed worker! I, too,have a box of cruel lies of the capitalist oppression machine! --From the Cuban newspaper strip Round Oppressing Family Windowzen

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