DFC #439

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Sing the goddamn song, or I'm taking this all back: Thelly, Thelly, Bo-belly...Come on!"M

How many YEARS have you been asking me for food? REAL FOOD? And now you reject it?! Well. Let's see if I EVER get food for this household again!Terminus

I'm warning you, young man -- turn around and mispronounce what's put before you!!Gen. Sedgwick

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to regurgitate all this food?"Helder

"We don't have any fucking caviar, you little shit!"RDF

Jeffy's Looking at Me had a less-successful sequel: Dolly's Scanning Me.Bad Girl

"I do not suck cocks in hell. Eat your spinach..."Bad Girl

"Don't try and push it away. Dolly found it, so we eat it. That's the rules."The Dork Wanderer

Few historians are aware that Mahatma Gandhi was actually a white guy from Ohio, and that he learned the virtue of hunger strikes from his mother's Sunday casseroles.me, myself, I

There are starving orphans in Luther and Gasoline Alley who'd be happy to have Utility Grade Viscera Helper. Now eat!Stefan Jones

I don't care if it's a petit mal, a gran mal, or a flippin' Godzilla mal-- this is the first time we've had family dinner in ages, and I'm not interrupting it for one little seizure!Ace

Sad and bloated beyond recognition, Billy could only watch Jeffy postpone the inevitable. The children needed to be plump before Thanksgiving.Mike Palombi

C'mon, Jeffy, don't you want your pathetic stubby arms to grow weirdly gangly??Latent Appliance Fetisher

Edvard Scream's The MunchKen

That is enough overacting. This is an ensemble number.Peon

"Say 'pasghetti' again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker!" -- More of Quentin Tarantino's work on the Family CircusPete

"Don't start pulling that holier-than-thou bullshit on me now -- you've known for years that it's people."Helder

"If you don't open your tunnel for the little choo-choo, the little choo-choo's gonna grind your ass into so much road gravel. Choice is yours."Stealth

Like I give a fuck that Martha Stewart suggested "invigorating up your color palette with subtle touches of cilantro and saffron." You can only do so much with gruel.Buzz Lightbeer

"No, it's NOT people, but if you say that one more time, it damn will be."Helder

The guilt continued to rise in me as Jeffy's stubby little arms strained to reach his plate. Putting SuperGlue on the back of his chair had seemed funny at first, but with Thel harping about what a "fuckin' pussy" he was being...well, it was enough to make anyone cry. -- William Raymond "Cyrus" Keane, Thelma Dearest .Cranky Bear

Jeffy's "whiny bitch" ruse worked perfectly, luring Thel in completely off guard. Unfortunately, her jugular fit between the tines of his fork.deX!

I slaved over a hot delivery boy all day so you could have this.Mr. ?

Jeffy! Look for the male G spot later!Bad Girl

I'm in no mood for your antics. My waist is smaller than my arms again.Judgement Night

If you don't eat your enemies, how are you going to gain their strength?Mr. ?

"Oh, quit whining. When I was a little girl, ALL our food tried to crawl off the plate."Magus

I'm not calling the priest until your head spins all the way around.ArC

In the Keane household, "green eggs and ham" was not necessarily a figure of speech.Gen. Sedgwick

"Fine, pick around the tampon."Heath

Well, Babe should've thought of that before he was born a pig!Bad Girl

Well then just eat around the eyeball...Bad Girl

You lost the bet, young man. Now eat the pennant....Bad Girl

You just don't appreciate all we do for you. Hell, I had to back up twice to finish him off!Gen. Sedgwick

Thel regrets her purchase of "Haggis Helper."Bad Girl

You have to eat it! If you don't, how can I possibly clean and buff your plate to a fine sheen?Coalcracker

"No, you may NOT give it to one of the 'little people' to see if he survives!"Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging Mr ?, sorta)

"Jeffy! There'll be no alien birthing at this table!"isicoworkn

Do you think I care if there are unspeakable wraiths of chaos escaping from it?Mr. ?

Just eat it, smart-ass. You don't have to pretend it's "orgasmically delicious."Bad Girl

About two seconds later, Jeffy learned that Thel actually could force him to eat it. Fortunately, King Features had top-notch medical coverage, so the jaw reconstruction didn't cost me a dime. -- Bil Keane, What Are You Lookin' At?Westur the Unspeakable

Stop that! They are not "the magical fruit." Bad Girl

"After 40 years of still being little ankle-biters, Thel's yelling that we'd all 'grow up big and strong' ceased to be a convincing argument to eat the glop Bil had drawn." -From Circle of Pain by Ponce Julio KeaneJester

"I don't care what your fucking agent says. I am not pre-chewing this for you!"scoob

Eat your dinner! You can deal with the wedgie later...Bad Girl

"Ears and tails are too pork!"Heath

Jeffy! It's just squash! Your "shining" is only supposed to be used in emergencies...Bad Girl

In the Justice League's day-care center, a young Aquaman refuses to eat the tuna casserole.Craig

Oh, crap! The animatronic Jeffy's on the fritz again!Bad Girl

What's wrong? This cookbook got a great review on the Amazon site.Bad Girl

"Look, this is too much, I don't care if it's not as well drawn as you are, I mean, I'm sure the people from "Zits" would kill for something like this.The EXXXorcist

While Thel was distracted, Billy slipped the carving knife under the table and with one quick motion he returned his family's honor.Crackhead Jonny

During contract negotiations, Bil drew this symbolic cartoon: Blowing Smoke up Jeffy's ass.Bad Girl

Did it occur to you, Jeffy, that just about any other time would've been a better time for an enema?Bad Girl

But we're Catholic! It's doesn't matter if it's kosher or not. Bad Girl

"Eat! Eat! If you don't eat, how are you supposed to grow up big and strong and take venegeance on my enemies?!"me, myself, I

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