DFC #440

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Far be it from me to complain, but I told Bil that the Yugoslavian vacation package deal was the cheapest for a reason."Hang Lose

"Kids, lay off that candy bowl. Your asses are getting completely unmanageable."Hang Lose

Which one of you opened the seventh seal?Mr. ?

"A night of fireworks, I knew, would serve as inspiration for the entire family. Terrified, I held my tail tightly between my legs through the dark night." --Barfy Keane, The Collar PurpleThinkAndDo

No, no, no...get closer to the window, and grab onto the metal sill...that's the best way to watch a lightning storm!Les Miserables

...Even the Whistler-influenced 'Fourth of July' themata doesn't detract from Mr. Keane's stunning foreground interpretation of Michelangelo's 'Pieta.' --Art in Duhmerica, February 1998 ThinkAndDo

"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."sx

"You kids behave...Dad and I are going to Barnes & Noble to get a steam train klip art book."Stan "Tunnel of Love" Xhiao

"I told you you should spend more time on your homework and less time building weapons of mass destruction. I hope you're proud of what you've done."Heath

"We tried sending Kittycat out to fight Godzilla, but she was no match--neither was Sam, for that matter. It was time to send out Barfy and the mute." Heath

". . .Put it on the main viewscreen. Weapons Officer Dolly -- target Canis Major with a full spread of quantum torpedoes and fire at will. . . Excellent. Helm Officer Jeffy, lay in a course for the Sirius star system. We'll cleanse the galaxy of those mangy creatures if it takes the rest of our lives!"Mycroft

The family watched with amused fascination as Bil chased Sam around the yard in an effort to catch and subdue him. Could this be the night that he finally pulled off the elusive sodomy hat trick?anon

"Wow! Just look at that tiger shred your father!"Heath

Bil Keane proves yet again that a child's raw, nerve-rending terror can bring a smile to the faces of millions.Ace

"Away from the window, children. You'll get to see it all on Cops next week."Heath

"The Aurora Borealis?!?! Where the fuck do we live, anyway?"Riff

"I wonder who the lynch-mob's after this time."Riff

Well kids, Bil went and locked himself in the fall-out shelter, so we're pretty screwed. Anyone seen the revolver?steve h.

No one thought very much of a family vacation to Saudi Arabia, but when we were very good, Bil and Thel would let us stay up late and watch the bombing of Bagdhad. Or maybe this was the year we went to LA. Caption from the Keane Family Photo AlbumKing Catherine the Transvestite

"Ah shit! That'll be the angry torchlit mob coming up the hill! Screw the boiling oil, I say we just let them have Bil this time!"King Catherine the Transvestite

"Fuck! . . the ATF is sanctioned to use a mortar! Jeffy, run out there and try to draw their fire away from my azailias."Hang Lose (Self salvaging)

OK, so cats always do land on their feet. Let's go two out of three with dogs and babies.Judgement Night

All right! Who's been making prank calls to Shub-Niggurth again?Thrawn

While the others had been distracted, P.J. had decided to go ahead and taunt the Happy Fun Ball. To his sorrow, it was Barfy who paid the price.Dvandom

Millitary Sattelite Dish: $12,500, Comstat Descrambler Mark XIII: $112,000, Bribe to get Missile Launch Codes: $20,000,000, Watching Civilization as we Know it End: PricelessMr. ?

That night Bil proved that he truely was a "flamer"Crackhead Jonny (spelled it right this time, so I was gone for months so sue me!)

A young blonde man in pajamas, staring into the void of space, in love with his sister, and haunted by his pure evil father. George Lucas made a tidy profit off of this lawsuit.Brandolon Hill

"Don't forget, children, if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into ... hey, I think I see a bunny."Helder

Just then, Thel came in. We never did find out how far Billy could piss.Bad Girl

"Cool, it's the fiery apocalypse foretold by the prophets. Somebody get the hot dogs."Helder

On lazy summer nights, the Keane's would often look out at the Buddhist monastery next door and watch the monks set themselves on fire.Helder

PJ & Barfy reap the benefits of the Sesame Street 'Duck and Cover' series. The MTV generation would be shopping for white canes in the morning.Octophile

"My social life's sucked ever since we moved to the Death Star, but there sure is one hell of a view!"Riff

"Get away from the window, kids. Daddy and Mr. bin Laden are busy right now."Stan Xhiao

"See? That's Satan escaping from the fiery portals of hell. I hope you kids are happy now."me, myself, I (salvaging LAF)

"Come on, kids. You can taste the sweet blood of the innocent tomorrow. But now, it's time for bed."Magus

When the Friar's Club said they wanted to roast your father, I had no idea...Bad Girl

They stared in disbelief. Microwaving the ink-jet cartridge had been a bad idea....Bad Girl

No amount of clapping hands could save Tinkerbell from the bug-light.Bad Girl

So you're saying a tear in the fabric of reality is a bad thing?Bad Girl

PJ swears we gave him some bad shit that night, but I'm here to tell you, he was never right to begin with. - Jeffy Keane, Trippin' to the rhythm of the rainPage Fault

"And every star you see is another angel spontaneously combusting in a painful, firey death."scoob

"Now you've done it, Jeffy! I told you if you played with yourself that civilization would come to a screeching halt. And stop touching your butt--you'll only make it worse!"Heath

February 25, 1959: The Family Circus enters the Atomic Age when it detonates a small nuclear device over the offices of the Albuquerque Tribune. It would be 5 years before another newspaper dropped their strip.Helder

"Yow! Looks like your father didn't know which one was the cable TV line after all. Jeffy, Billy, go see if you can put him out. Or at least contain the fire."me, myself, I

"It's another group of carolers. You know the drill, kids -- go fetch me my shotgun."me, myself, I

"The rest of the townsfolk are here, P.J. I'm sorry, but you did lose the lottery. Kids, go get your your rocks."me, myself, I

Everything was fine -- until the apes next door started constructing a giant monolith.Bad Girl

"Da pa ddd wa drtoo wa ma. Ga ga ga wa da rtoo rtoo da. Fa da doo wa wa."--from Da Dmoo Ma Ma Ma by Peabo Jermaine KeaneDave Matthews

P.J. Keane-- Old enough to draw a fine pentagram, yes, but still too young to pronounce the words correctly.Robburrito

"Gotta hand it to ya, Mom. I didn't even think they sold Tomahawk missiles on e-Bay."Heath

Don't worry PJ, I'm sure Satan is just as scared of you as you are of him.Mr. ?

nobody was sure what to make of the ghostly floating head of Homer Simpsondjymm

"No, you'll go outside when Wolf Blitzer says it's OK to go outside, and not one minute before."Craig

I hope you're happy. That's the third planet we got kicked off this week.Mr. ?

"Don't worry, kids, I'll come up with a cute way to mispronounce 'effigy'".frer

"Now, nobody panic. Clearly this is a Rapture, but we have no way of knowing if it's The Rapture."Westur the Unspeakable

"Come on, kids. I know you want to watch The Great Old Ones rise from their eternal slumber to reclaim the Earth once more, but it's bed time."Magus

Get dressed, kids - as soon as your father comes home, we'll all go watch Barfy get neutered!Bill Morrison

Well, there's the comet...have you kids packed?Les Miserables

Oh oh, it looks like Satan is finally coming to collect...which one of you got the short straw?Les Miserables

We were all excited about Daddy's new job as an air-traffic controller. Mainly because he wasn't very good at it.Bad Girl

You'd think PJ and Barfy would be used to the anal probes by now!NME--

... but when Thel started singing "Nearer My God to Thee," PJ couldn't take it any more.Ken

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