DFC #441

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

As he detonated himself in the crowd, Jeffy's last words were "Glory to the Cake!"Brandolon Hill

"Note how the white-male sexist indoctrination begins early as young boys are taught to regard their mothers as mere pieces of meat. The Family Circus clearly identifies with other smut such as Playboy, Hustler, and that hideous bastion of perversion, The Cat in the Hat", Catharine McKinnon, A Feminist Guide to the ComicsEric the Black

"WOMEN! Looking for that classic hourglass figure? Why not try WonderGirdle?! Using the latest steel and Kevlar composites, you can change that 26" waist to a svelte 11", 9", or even 7"!"Eric the Black

"Why eat roast turkey," Jeffy mused, "when braised hockey puck sounds so much better?"Svingen

"I used to love Sunday dinner nights. Rubber chicken, wax fruit and plastic potatoes made for a quick meal, and the stupid gits never seemed to catch on.", Thelma Keane, Guilty PleasuresEric the Black

Every year Jeffy looked forward to Thel's spicy urinal-cake stuffing.Paul Roub

Buns. Soft, rounded, smooth buns. Buns jiggling, wiggling. Why can't I get those buns off my mind?Destroyer

In the Keane household, Thel's cooking was the best advertisement McDonald's could ask for.Judgement Night

It really wouldn't matter who got the bigger piece of the wishbone, because the request was always the same: GET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMNED STRIP!!!Hang Lose

Bil's on vacation, and today's cartoon is drawn by the U.S. Geological Survey. "Mmm! I could really go for a semi-molten core sample of igneous rock!" ThinkAndDo

"Hmmm," thought Jeffy, "if Mom cooked a turkey, why do I keep gettin' a strong whiff of Filet-O-Fish sandwich down here?"Latent Appliance Fetisher

Jeffy wants pancakes. Thel wants turkey. Bil wants PJ tartare. Dolly wants a spanking. Billy wants out.Ken

Obviously, not a breast or thigh man . . . .Twomp

"Man, everything Thel cooks ends up tasting like a thin piece of shit between two pieces of bread..."Xamian

Jeffy, with his once-in-a-blue-moon round head, contemplated cramming Bil's nuts into the waffle iron, to insure that this time, he wouldn't be redrawn as a melonhead anytime soon.Kal

He had heard Dad and Uncle Roy talking about it all week. But what exactly was a "Thel sandwich"?Tuxedo Bill

DFC Puzzle: Find the mistakes in this picture. 1. Jeffy is thinking. 2. Only the top of the turkey is polished to a shine. 3. The dining void is not entirely featureless. Note: Thel's torso misaligned with her abdomen is not a mistake thanks to a kitchen accident early in this scene's shoot. Crazy Climber

This being the Keane household, I don't want to know what the "special sauce" is.Gen. Sedgwick

Nothing capped off Thanksgiving like telling the little brats that they had just eaten Big Bird. -'Guilty Pleasures' by Thelma KeaneMr. ?

Robert Crumb's earliest childhood memory.Dave Matthews

Don't let your children fantasize! First they start with simple things like food, eventually they graduate to lewd sex acts with giant fish. --A Public Service Announcement from the Christian CoalitionYakko (reaching way back)

Once, the light fixture in the kitchen -- one of those big heavy ones, this was in the sixties, mind you -- fell just as I was walking under it. I probably would have been killed if Thel's skimpy French maid's constume hadn't given me a sudden involuntary thought balloon., which cushioned the impact. I've wondered ever since then whether Bill drew those bolts loose on purpose.Mycroft

On certain rare occasions, Jeffy would momentarily think of something other than himself.Helder

Of course, this being a Keane Thanksgiving, the turkey is dressed in black rubber bondage gear.Rotter

Uh, Bil, what's my motivation here: Mom's butt reminds me of a sausage biscuit? Jeffy's season at the Lee Strasberg Summer Camp had seriously slowed things down on the Keane set.Randall

Jeffy realized it was Thanksgiving day and was awash with guilt, having just stuffed himself with a meatloaf 'sammich'. It was a guilt that would grow like a cancer until that fateful, bloody day at the local Boston Market. From the psychological casefile of Jeffrey 'Jeffy' Keane, Middletown Police DepartmentBeetletech

Food dyslexia.Larry Hastings

Jeffy was so high and mighty that, even early in his career, he insisted on every bit of food he ate being served on an english muffin. The Mad Hatter

There I was, daydreaming about a Big Mac, when her heel gave way. Her tibia snapped like Joe Theismann's. When the paramedics took her away, I was still sobbing, covered in giblets. To this day, Special Sauce makes me shudder.Diggit

If I'm standing there, that ain't the image in my thought balloon.Gen. Sedgwick

Jeffy was never very good at playing "Guess The Roadkill".Heath

Actually, Jeffy was thinking about Duck L'Orange, but Bil couldn't find any clip art for that.justiz

When Thanksgiving and anorexia collide.frer

For years, Jeffy obsessed over the space shuttle's O rings.Bad Girl

Although it never got ratings as high as It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!, the Keane Thanksgiving special, titled The Magical Turkey-Melt gained noteriety when the November, 1959 issue of Psychology Today listed it as one of the ten most likely causes of Holiday Depression.Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging the esteemed Helder)

No doubt about it - Thel was a wizard with government cheese.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Fortunately for the Cowles editors, even the Kama Sutra lacked the clip-art for what Jeffy was really thinking.Helder

One of Jeffy's favorite desserts is Portuguese Man-of-War Upside-Down Cake.Mycroft

From the Dysfunctional McDonald's Menu: Egg McMuffin with Baconhead, and Chicken McHarlot.Helder

"I was finally thrown out of the house after I demanded 'hamburglars' on Thanksgiving Day. Bil beat the living crap out of me and tossed me into the street. Soon after, I became a roadie for the band that was to change my life, the Quivering Rectal Cavities." -- Jeffy Keane, You'll Never Eat Gaspetti In This Town AgainPete

Okay, okay...the burger-thing that Jeffy is dreaming about and the fact that Thel is both serving non soylent based food AND showing lotsa leg is just a diversion, the real action is - Who or what is Bil buggering at the table, a muppet?Mr. Yummy Pants

During holidays, Bill would terrify the children with his cornish hen hand puppet routine.El Caballero

Sadly, Jeffy was never seriously considered for the role of Mayor McCheese. He would have to settle for the lesser-known part of Lieutenant Governor Leftovers...Don Cabron

While the rest of the country celebrated Thanksgiving, the Keanes celebrated Thanks-for-fuckin'-up-our-lives-you-talentless-hack.Helder (salvaging myself)

Exhibit A: The cartoon that managed to get Betty Friedan, Marcel Proust, and Ray Kroc spinning in their graves simultaneously.scoob

"Man," thought Jeffy. "It's nights like this when I wish I hadn't given up steaming cylinders of lard for Lent."scoob

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