DFC #444

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Dr. Freud, white courtesy phone! Dr. Freud, white courtesy phone, please!Coalcracker

What? And then rotate it? Ok, hang on.Ken

"...an' we had cake, an' I got a vinyl skirt, an' the guys from the Difficult Zone got me a phallus!"Moorlock

"Hello, NASA? Fuck you!!"crispy

"Thanks Uncle Roy! This just about completes my Bongs-of-the-World collection!"vikingbro

Hello, Guinness Book of World Records? Pre-pubescent Anal Insertions department, please.Auntie Em

Sadly, Jeffy would soon see parallels between rocketry and his Dad's life: a brief spurt of flame, followed by a long, slow decline into a mud-filled swamp.Eric the Black

Jeffy's plan to smuggle weapons-grade plutonium to North Korea was beset with technical problems from the start.Destroyer

"Yeah, and I got a whole shitload more out in the garage! No, I don't feel bad-- if those 'tots' wanted toys so goddamn much, they woulda grabbed 'em from the bin in church like I did!" Hang Lose

The only thing I haven't decided yet is whether Dolly's hamster is gonna be the payload or the target!Rotter

"...but I was glad to see you as well."Gen. Sedgwick

Jeffy Keane. Another reason for call screening. From the Pacific Bell ad campaign, "The phone is, once again, your friend."frer

Great news, Doctor Strangelove! I've stopped worrying -- and I love the bomb!Bad Girl

And Garfield's head on a pike. You have one hour.Bad Girl

"Hi, yes, I was wondering if you sell strap-on belts?"Brad Popsiclestick

"Hello, army surplus? Now I need one low-yield tactical nuke. Yes, this goes on the Diners Club as well.""Nethicus

"Thanks, Grandma! It's a little big, but I'll grow into it!"Heath

"What an honor. I'm sorry I couldn't be there in person, but I'd like to thank the academy for this award..."Heath

"No, we don't have 'Prince Albert in a Can', but my Daddy's got a drifter named Dave locked up in an old steamer trunk."Hang Lose

"Hello, Marcie? Get over here now. I'm at T-minus 5 minutes and ready to launch, if you know what I mean."Sean Q

"No, she packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero-hour, nine A.M."Craig

Do you handle product liability suits? I bet you never thought of this one...Bad Girl

"Can you believe it? Best Comic Actor in a Scene Involving a Reminiscence of an Unidentifiable Food Item! I knew the Academy would recognize my genius someday."scoob

"Yeah, thanks for the crappy rocket-ship, Grandma. I asked for a fucking Millenium Falcon! Get it right and I'll give back your heart pills."Ogdred

My demands are to bring in a little less noise and a little more funk.Mr. ?

Bil yet again fails to enter the current decade when he tries to show why The Family Circus is 'Da Bomb'.Mr. ?

Jeffy's 900 party line would have been more successful, but Bil couldn't sober up enough to dial correctly, and Roy--Well, you only get one phone call when you're arrested.agm

"I'm glad you see it my way, Mr. Cowles. Everyone sees it my way.Die Fledermaus

"Dr. Cuthbertson? Yes, I just got your package. Yes, HA-HA, verrry funny. I get the point Doc, I'll eat more fiber, just knock it off."Prof. Moriarity

March 18, 1959: The rivalry between Jeffy Keane and Ziggy comes to a head.Helder

Ming the Merciless is on vacation. Today's villian will be played by Jeffy Keane. -- Excerpt from The Worst of Flash Gordon ComicsHelder

"I'm no rocket scientist, but there's no way this cartoon'll bomb! Why, I'd just go ballistic! Practically explode! But seriously though, I'm need some guidance...." After 783 straight appearances, Jeffy's humor noticibly waned - especially when he started bringing in the props.Die Fledermaus

You have reached the DFC customer service line. If you wish to submit a caption, please press 1. If you wish to review a previously submitted caption, please press 2. If you wish to complain because none of your brilliant dildo jokes have been accepted, please stay on the line and one of our representatives will be with you shortly.Ogdred

Hello, operator? Yes, could you connect me to the Far East? I don't care who, just as long as they got cash.aK h

Oh stop whining, Mr Goldin. NASA should have gotten a clue when the lowest bid to build the new shuttle booster rocket was "$8.37 and a six pack of Old Milwaukee."tralfaz

"Really, it's a great birthday present, Mr. Kubric. You should stop worrying, I love the bomb!"Sean Q (RIP Stanley...)

Hey Waldo, can you hide from an infrared laser guidance system?Mr. ?

Mr. Leno? Have I got a killer Viagra bit for you!Coalcracker

Witness the tragedy that is the prop comedian.deX!

Hello, Dennis? Your slingshot sucks! agm

"November Sky" Bil Keane's film about his son Jeffy's ambition to become a NASA astronaut, was pulled from the theaters after the MPAA viewed the disturbing ASS-TRO ROCKET scenes between Jeffy and his "Uncle" Roy. (Jack Valenti vommited up his lunch over the reentry scene.) Bootleg copies are now rumored to be sold by street vendors in the sleaziest part of Bangkok. Starkiller

"Hold on, it takes me a second to shift the phone from talking position to listening position."Torc.

"Yeah, I'm demanding $500,000 in small bills, a helicopter, and the removal of the letter B from the alphabet. You always have to make one really ridiculous demand at first just to keep them guessing. Heh, heh... a helicopter!"Llorta

"No, way, Jimmy . . a bet's a bet . . you lost all this shit fair and square-- so don't give me that "I really, really need my inhaler" bullshit, okay?"Hang Lose

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