DFC #445

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Keane Kollector Print #45, very limited edition, colored with artist's own blood, bile, and urine.Stefan Jones

And here we have the father of the little fashion stars, Bil Keane, wearing his summer ascot with his "devil-may-care" look, and sweeping thigh-length overcoat. Tuxedo Bill

"So first, Dolly jacked him up while Dad swiped his sweater. Then PJ grabbed his jeans, Jeffy grabbed the trolley, and I tossed his ridiculous shoes into the woods. Gotta give him credit, though-- for an old guy, Mr. Rodgers put up quite a fight."Hang Lose

"Well, it wasn't quite a garage sale, but Hell, the door was open."Hang Lose

"Nice" "Tits."Hang Lose

Thel was concerned. Billy's obsession with Marcel Marceau was going way too far.Ken

"I dunno . . Amazon.com sent this stuff over with their 'proffuse apologies' . . but since it took us over two hours just to explain to Bil what a 'dot com' was, I'd let it go."Hang Lose

"Yeah, we were kind of surprised to see dad wearing that coat with clothes underneath, too."Hang Lose

"Hey, I found a loophole in my contract! If I monopolize both sides of the conversation..." "...I get twice the speaking time as Jeffy!"Daniel M. Laenker

This is what happens when DFC and IADL mate!Waldo

I don't have a caption - I just wanted to point out that I used to own the 1961 Buick pictured in this panel. Why am I not suprised where it ended up?Westur the Unspeakable

The episode where Billy "comes out" -- as it appeared in the more-conservative newspapers.Bad Girl

"Bil was right, vacations really are more fun without you!"Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

In color, no one can hear you mispronounce.Orbo

"Hollywood was great!! I'm staying at the Hefner mansion next weekend, Jeffy's finally out of the closet, PJ got his OJ shirt, Dolly's working for Heidi Fleiss, and Dad's the newest Stooge..."Don Cabron

DFC Fun Fact #6: PJ first entered the strip as a cross-over from the late, beloved 'Henry'.Octophile

Fresh off his victory over Tinky-Winky, Jerry Fallwell 'outed' the cast of the Family Circus. Using this panel as evidence, he cited: a) Billy is carrying a purse b) Thel's haircut c) PJ's 'I heart sodomy' tee-shirt and d) Bil.hangtownman

"Yeah, the brownout was pretty fun. We raided a drugstore, and Jeffy pistol-whipped the old lady behind the counter."me, myself, I

If your children must accept candy and car rides from strangers, at least have the sense to teach them not to lead the pedophile into your home. happy me

Visiting Gramma is great now that the detox center's opened a gift shop!Rotter

"And the guy we took all this from is out in the trunk."Hang Lose

"I'm deaf!" Thel thought exultantly. "I'll never ever have to hear 'gaspetti' again!"Stealth

And in this pannel we see the creation of the world, with the god of christmas presents defeating his father by ripping out his tounge, and breathing life back into his mother, the single-breasted amazon queen. We see his siter/wife, bearing children's ceral for all, with his two sons who are, respectavly, the cheribic love deity, and he-of-the-massive-ego. happy me

"Visitin' folks is a lot more fun when they ain't home!"Heath

Mommy, guess what! Dolly's a celeb'rty! Ever hear of Chafe magazine?Krazy Llama

Furious at having been abandoned for the new rectangular shaped cartoon panel, renegade circles viciously attacked Billy, ruthlessly stabbing him in the brain in full view of his parents.tralfaz

"I dunno 'bout you, but watching Daddy deep-throat that lollypop for ten solid minutes is gonna cost me a good six years in therapy."Hang Lose

If you have your DFC synched up properly to the "Dark Side of the Moon," the song "Money" should have just kicked in.Otis

The answer to, "Do talentless hack cartoonists dream in color?"Helder

Four-color separation or no four-color separation, we're still the whitest family in cartoon history.Gen. Sedgwick

Thel: pants *on*; Bil: neatly dressed; Kids: smiling; Panel: square; Ink: color. Bil's Seinfeld-inspired "Bizarro Keanes" panel enjoyed only limited success.Samwise

Warning: Excessive exposure to cleaning products may affect color perception or cause hearing loss.Helder

Sadly, Bil Keane died without completing this seminal work, believed by many art critics to be his crowning achievement. A highly-publicized Internet contest to complete the dialogue led to more than 100,000 entries, the best of which was "he pooped and my peener hurts."Coalcracker

Happy birthday mom! Look what we brought you. A bunch of poorly drawn, indistinguishable squiggles. I guess we just don't care a lot.Diggit

"Shit-head sent us shoplifting at an Everything For A Buck store. We made off with $9 in merchandise."Helder

"It was 'Sucker Day' at the mall! I bought a bag of cookies and some silk thongs for only $78.43!"crispy

"They were fresh out of 'steaming hunks of virile manflesh', so we bought you a Cosmo."deX!

Having painstakingly restored DaVinci's Last Supper, preservationists turned to the next masterwork on their list: this fading fresco, ca. 1952, painted on a Ravenna carport and signed oncola Royseppi.Coalcracker

"I like the weekdays better. . . . It's isn't so obvious that we can't dress for shit."scoob

Actually, PJ's the only one with a lollipop -- Bil, Dolly, and Jeffy have their tongues out drooling over Thel in a tight sweater.Helder

After the divorce, it became a contest to see who could spoil the little bastards worse. Bil's weapon of choice was the new shopping mall. I countered with flavored enemas. "Diarrhea of a Mad Housewife" by Thelma Lou KeaneLt. Dan

Bil had made considerable progress. Not only had he resisted the temptation to resort to clip-art, but he'd even managed to make the panel appear, well, normal. Thankfully, we were able to get him into a strip bar before he managed to complete it and demand a higher salary. -- John Cowles, It's My CircusHelder

Despite Bil's feeble attempt to make the strip more hip, P.J.'s "I luv Magnum" shirt clearly placed the strip in the early 80's at best.Prof. Moriarity

"No, we didn't forget you. We just decided not to buy you anything. Can't you just feel the love?"WebCaption

Billy, the Stuttering Mimetralfaz

Bil Keane finally responds artistically to a suggestion made in a piece of fan mail from August 13, 1962 - "Let's see some more colored people in your strip."Svingen

"Bil tried to maintain that the blank balloons were some kind of profound social commentary about lack of communication in the family. Fucking union arbitrator said it wasn't a speaking part so I got paid scale for a mere walk-on."Svingen

"The processing power involved in getting us all to walk in step hogged the CPU. Text wouldn't appear for minutes... so this was the last experiment in FC digital for a while."Svingen

"We tried our best to lose him. Honest!"Helder

KING WORLD MEMO: Bil, once again, please paste dialogue balloons lettered side up. Thanks.El Caballero

After Billy's tragic helium accident, only dogs could hear what he said.El Caballero

"Mommy! Daddy took us into the shed and he ......... oh i cant tell what he did 'cause he gave us all lolipops."NiceDream

"When asked to fill in the word balloons, the patient claimed the children were saying We hate Daddy. Daddy's so good to us and we hate him anyway. He tries, he really does, but it'll never be good enough for us selfish little bastards. Why, he should pick up the tire iron and bring it down on our melon-like skulls over and over and over... At this point, the patient became agitated and had to be restrained. I've got his nuts attached to a car battery even as we speak." -- Journal entry by Dr. Neil Cuthbertson, Capp Asylum, used as evidence in United States v. KeanePete

In Bil's version of "Pleasantville" the kids from the future come back, turn everything to color, discover that everyone in the past is already immersed in masturbation, bizarre fetishes, and water sports, and quickly return to the present day while vowing celibacy.me, myself, I

"Guess who's Ted Turner's new bitch?"Heath

And with Uranium wallpaper, the family of tomorrow will no longer need lamps.Mr. ?

"These featureless voids followed me home. . . . And these word balloons, too."scoob

"Woo-hoo! Gran'ma Anderson throws the bestest wakes around!" "By the way, your dad is dead."bobo

As the jaundice spread into his drawings, alert readers began phoning Dr. Cuthbertson. Sure enough, Bil not only had hepatitis A, B and C, he had gone On Beyond Zebra.Ken

Yes, this one-paneler from 1993 broke with tradition when Billy started speaking in dog whistles, which elicited an unfortunate Pavlovian response from his family. On the other hand, Barfy and Sam found it a real thigh-slapper compared to Kittycat's infamous "Jeffy on big fish" cartoon.Orrin Bloquy

Internet 1975: In those days, if there was sunspot activities, we'd get color but no sound or vice versa. You kids today don't know how good you got it.Orrin Bloquy

Thel stared in silence at the whirl of colors, the bubbles popping out of Billy's mouth, the grotesque and surreal menagerie lined up before her. Wow, she thought, this really is the most powerful cough syrup available without a perscription.aa

"Don't listen to him, he's mad! Mad, I tell you!!" "Hi, Mom."Namgubed the Merry Elf (nod to GL an' Doc Evil)

It wasn’t until issue #259 when Gaiman kind of gave up and introduced the lesser members of the Dreaming. Here we see (Right to Left) Debauchery, Deadwood, Detox, Dentata, Dexatrim and Bil, the hack cartoonist.-Mr. Yummy Pants

When comic strip kids swear, they get their word balloons washed out with white-out.Ken

"You're (slurp)" - "next."NME (nod to HL)--

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