DFC #448

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hey, no fair! I landed on "Give the player on your left a wedgie".Ken

"As a child, being constantly excluded by his siblings from the family games and the resulting feelings of alienation are what likely led Oddjob to turn to a life of murder and crime." CIA Psychological Profile - SPECTRE Division Podbeing

Damnit, I wanted to be the top hat! Sigh...okay, I'll be this thing here.spinn

"March comes in windy and goes out mild, You're saddled with an incontinent child." Man, this Jumanji game gives me the creeps.Ken

Look, PJ, we don't like it any better than you do, but it's what the card says. "Insurance covers the abortion: Lose one child." Off to the incinerator with you. You can't argue with the game of Life.Leth

"No, this is the game of LIFE, something you don't have. Now go rot in the corner like a good little miscarriage."Stealth

"I don't get it. Why would you need Garanimals for a one-piece outfit?"scoob

Pardon, this is a closed game. Perhaps m'sieur would enjoy the baccarat table?Gen. Sedgwick

"Yeah yeah, first baby in space, great. We're in the middle of a game PJ, can it wait ?"Bleech_

"One-piece pajamas? Either you've never played Strip Candyland before, or you got balls the size of grapefruits, pal.spinn

So now you understand that the real "Game of Life" is a dark, apocalyptic waking nightmare from which you can never wake, and for which death is the only reward? Good. Now spin, you little shit.Speedy the Wonder Smolt

"Don't worry Peej, your hair will grow back. It's only your self-respect thats gone forever"Crackhead Jonny

I don't THINK so....we all know where the pieces end up when you play.JFresh

"C'mon, Peej, I rolled sixes! Get off Urtkutsk!"spinn

"I'm sorry Peej, Candyland is a definite violation of your parole."Crackhead Jonny

"Ten dollars? I can make ten times that on the street. Tell Daddy if he wants a date, I wanna see some Jacksons or no deal."Elvis Presley

"I don't care if you are in a Red Chinese uniform. Get the hell off Mongolia already!"Saurentine

No, P.J. You may not "Godzilla" the game of Life.Mr. Ben McClellan

Of course with the "American League" rules, PJ is my designated stripper.nickonomicon

Keep back, PJ - This ain't gonna be pretty.Krazy Llama

I'll trade you PJ and a Keane to be named later for Marvin Gardens and Baltic Avenue.Judgement Night

Sorry? Parker Brothers should have called it "Suck It, Fucktard!"Judgement Night

" ... and as you can see by the incision we made here that Pop 'N Fresh's stomach is not made of white and fluffy pastry like those ads would have you believe ..."Xamian

I'm sorry, this game is only fun for 60-120 year olds. None of you 55 year olds can play.Mr. ?

Look, it's called the game of Life. You're born, you live, then you die. Billy got to the end, we killed him. 'nuf said.S. Milosevic

Back off, short stack! You don't know the Candyland gang signs, then ya ain't down with the Candyland crew, dig?Nethicus

"Nein! Nein! Never invade Russia in the winter!" - Baby Hitler gets his first lesson in Risk from his sister.Cassandra

"Sorry, Peej...the rules say it's cheatin' to wear diapers." Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence - for ages 3 and up.Samwise

Please, P.J. Jeffy's rolled Nagabandha, the Maiden-Pleasuring Cobra. He needs room to work.Horselover Fat

"Yeah, yeah...I know. Land on "Free Parking", rub PJ's stomach in a suggestive manner. Who the hell came up with these house rules, anyway?"anon

I don't give a crap how long you have to live...You still can't play. What the fuck do I look like? "Grant a Wish"?Opie

Colonel P.J. "Dave" Bowman, after his transformation into the Starchild, returns to Earth to find his family horribly changed. from 2002: A Keane OddyseyNot the Messiah

OK, rugrat... just because you heard the words 'Boardwalk' doesn't mean it was a fucking invitation..."Svingen

"Last time you played, we ended up with a lot of whining, cringing, and drool-soaked money... sort of like Mom and Dad's sex life."Svingen

Ok, I'm in jail now and PJ is my bitch!Coyote

The classic Keane endgame: Two queens and a pawn.Helder

Not yet! Mothra comes in later! Yeah, Baby!

"Hey, do you mind? We're trying to play the Grand Master For All The Marbles Take No Prisoners Inter-Universal Supreme Championship game of Candyland."Helder

Having neglected to read the rules to the new Monopoly-2000 re-issue of the game, P.J. soon finds himself sold into slavery and on the next freighter to Japan.me, myself, I

Well Peej, looks like tough love didn't work. So we're going to have to try something new. It's called "no love".Crackhead Jonny

"Sorry, PJ . . Jeffy landed on 'Doctor', I landed on 'Athlete', and you landed on 'Hack Cartoonist with Single Titted Wife' . . them's the breaks, buddy."Hang Lose

"Think about this real carefully, PJ.... First, when has Jeffy ever asked you to be on his team before? Second, why do you think the game is called Angry Five Year Olds Asskicking in Toddlerland, anyway?" aa

It's only fair! The UPS guy delivered this game, so only his kids get to play it!!!Rotter

Franklin Mint celebrates the 20th century with this memorial plate titled "FDR, Stalin and Churchill at Yalta."Orrin "Julius" Bloquy

Oh, shut up. The diaper package said "for 10-14 pounds" and it doesn't feel like you have more than 6 in there.Crackhead Jonny

I don't care, PJ. That doesn't automatically entitle you to the B&M Railroad.Ken

"Dammit, PJ, you messed up my chalk outline! I told you you're too young-- Milton Bradley's Crime Scene is for kids 4 to 12."Wabewalker

"OK, kid, you're my enforcer. If he can't come up with the rent for Park Place, reach into your Pampers and start flingin' the PJ pudding."Svingen

"I want to clobber the smug little prick too... but save it for later. We'll just kneel to Jeffy I, King of Marvin Gardens now, and get our revenge next game."Svingen

"I agree in principle with Greenspan when he says that the money supply should be reduced to hold down inflation... but I don't think you had that in mind when you chowed down on that stack of fifties."Svingen

"Peej, I know it sucks to land on Boardwalk with a hotel, but watch your language. Profanity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker."Svingen

"Sorry PJ, but we can't play with you . . Mom and Dad said that they were going to give you away any day now, and we don't want to get attached."Hang Lose

"Now just wait a sec-- It's Jeffy's turn to hump the thimble."Hang Lose

In a brilliant move, Dolly quickly sells her brother into white slavery in order to pay off her Boardwalk hotel bill.Helder

"Fuck the pigs -- ain't no way in hell I'm 'going to jail, not passing Go, not collecting $200' while my hostage is still breathing."Helder

I'm not going to tell you again! Having your biship in Irkutsk, hotels on Greenland and Mongolia, and 15 armies in the Peanut Brittle House does not give you a Yahtzee.Ken

No, PJ, you move the Golden Elephant like a disabled Silver Tower and...no! That's your First Viser! NO!!!! That's my Golden Elephant! -another heart warming scene from Family Circus Presents: "My first game of Advanced Mongolian-style Shogi" happy me

"I realize now that it was ffffuuuuuuck the constant taunting by my nutsaknutsaknutsak siblings that led to this vagina condition. Shit piss nimbus! The fact that rrrrrrrrarrrrrrghscrotum the miserable cocksuckers died in that mysterious fire fuckmefuckmefuckme is small consolation for the fact that I twitch 24 hours a day." -- from New Buggrit Buggrem Millennium Hand and Shrimp Beginnings: Living a Fuck Fuck Fuck Full Life with Smegma Tourette's Syndrome Poop by Pigfucker Jizzmopper KeanePete

"That's your third doubles. Go lie face down in the dungeon with your brother."Heath

"Okay, Jeffy. Call him -- heads or ass?"Heath [the check is on the way!]

"Look, we're really busy right now. Maybe Billy can give you a Heimlich maneuver?"Helder (self-salvaging)

"what's the secret hand shake?" A secret handshake for food. A secret handshake to get in the house. A secret handshake to get medical attention... PJ figured this time it just had to involve a firm grip on Dolly's throat. Crackhead Jonny (every time I give an Email address the caption gets rejected)

"We're playing Alternative lifestyle rules which means that ... Oh what the hell, you'll learn as you go along."Crackhead Jonny (dragged it from red to yellow now going for green)

"Fine. Tag. Game's over, whoo that was fun."frer

It was always "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired" or "I need my insulin" ... Christ, PJ was the neediest motherfucker I ever met. Thank God he choked to death on that game piece or I woulda had to kill the piece of shit myself! "Where's My Ten Bucks?: Confessions of a Bad Babysitter" by Dolly KeaneLt. Dan

"Read 'em and weep, baby brother. 'Box cars' means I'm gettin' Kristalnacht on your ass!" Blitzkrieg, The Board GameM (red* salvage)

"Left hand, little boys chest." DFC TwisterGonad the Barbarian

There, the bloodflow to your brain has been restored. Now, don't go bugging Xena again.Mr. ?

It happened right after Dolly said, "If I'm lying, may God strike me blind!" I guess none of us considered ourselves atheists after that. Crackhead Jonny

"Wait one fucking minute... if PJ's out here, what the hell is burning in the oven?"aa

"Something-something gutter slut." Jeffy sucked at Charades.Bad Girl

The game's progress ground to a halt as Dolly confused the Pop-a-Matic with Poppin' Fresh.hangtownman

You probably don't wanna stare at this thing too long. It's kinda four-dimensional. Lookit Jeffy, he thinks he's a seal now.bandersnatch

"Who rolls downstairs (collecting on dares), and makes a gurgle-y sound? On crack, on crack, he trips his nutsak! Everyone knows he's stinky!"Heath

PJ was confused. Was his name shutthefuckuporI'llkillyou or goawayyoubaldheadedfreak?aa

"CRIPES! Would'jya LOOK at this DISLOCATION?! This is the last time _I_ play Full Contact Chutes n' Ladders!"anon

Go to jail.. no, really, I mean the FBI just broke the back door down.Mr. ?

"I dunno, PJ... you're lookin' like you've already been to Candy Land a few times too many."Tim Harrod

No P.J., Mommy says no more house credit.Mr. Belvedere

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