DFC #456

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Sure, he's young, but he's hung like a 7-year-old!Roy

"Guess what - the cat had kittens."Rodney (it was the best I could do)

"Ahem! I guess I can satisfy a male if I want to. Pay up."crispy

Well, we know one way to get him to eat sprained carrots...Gen. Sedgwick

Billy stared in humiliated awe. Dolly and even P.J. were able to grow some facial hair, while his own features remained as smooth as an egg. He'd never fulfill his dream of becoming a flannel-clad angst-ridden grunge guitarist.Cadillac Man

"That's why I can charge $50!"Heath

"And that's how it's done. You don't actually blow on it..."Fruit Bat Acres

It was the last straw... Thel had promised me the rump roast once we got PJ fattened up enough, and I come in and see that Dolly's already eaten the bottom half, leaving nothing but innards, stubby arms, and an inedible melon head. "Call Me Anything But Late For Supper" by William Lecter KeaneLt. Dan

"Well, PJ was purging, so I stepped right up snd started binging!"Horror-zontal Hold

"See? He's still alive... I told you the spleen wasn't a vital organ!"Snibor Eoj

Next! Opie

"Christ Bil! Could you be any more blatant? Why not just draw 'Don't pull my ears, I know what I'm doing.' across her forehead." Cowles Syndicate Memo, Sept. 28, 1967Opie

I don't know what those guys in the movie "Alive" were whining about. Its no big deal.Chutney

Announcer Voice-Over: What would you do for a Klondike Bar...?aa

...and now you know the mystery of the Buddha's enigmatic smiledjymm

Remember that one day I'd have to do a favor for the Godfather? Well, it was more fun than I thought it'd be!Jenn Dolari

Mr. Brando gave me his autograph, kinda!tmadigan

"Biwwy, go get yuh cup, I hink hwe haf a wecord."dr. doom

Billy was amazed. Using only newspaper, paint and her own spit Dolly had made the most life-like Sydney Greenstreet bust he had ever seen.Spank

'Fight or flee?' thought Billy. 'Fight or flee?'Mr. ?

Boy, that was the best German chocolate cake ever! Frosting as thick as your thumb! So how's the diet coming, pudge-boy?L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg

"I sure would hate to be my dental hygeinist!"Stan Xhiao

Listen! Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. He cured me! Go ahead and ask him. I bet he can help you with your "little" problem.Ken

"All I need to do now is find a gutter, and I'm set."Svingen

"He didn't care so much for the 'pasghetti,' but he sure liked it when I did a number on the old 'meat bulbs'!"Stan Xhiao

"Well, it took some doing, but I managed to get PJ's parking spot and his next three solo panels."Helder

"Tell mom I've got to keep him up on blocks tonight. His rear strut's whacked and I won't get the part in 'till tomorrow."LuvBJones

"Thats right baby! 1,253,071 served! I'm goin' outside to change the sign"Goddess Dionysus

Whom so ever can pulleth the PJ out of the cement block shall be named Keane of EnglandMr. ?

Some days Bil would get so drunk that he'd intentionally try to drive the Cowles editors insane.Helder

Run for cover! I just stuffed 47 packs of Pop Rocks and a 6-pack of Mello Yello down PJ's throat!Brad Popsiclestick, (searching for the proper soft drink)

We decided that instead of sharing the last box of Oreos with you, we'd eat them up first and watch you lick the crumbs off the floor.agm

OK, kids, it's time for Find Three Things Right about this picture. Give up? So did I.Monkey Punch

"C'mon, right here on the kisser! Beat me, thrash me, teach me love!"kramm

It's like that Whack-A-Mole game but much bloodier.Merriam Webster

"Yup . . he even tastes different . . he's gotta be adopted!"Hang Lose

The young mime was helpless. She had ripped right through his "invisible wall" defense.Judgement Night

Oh man, you missed the best M80 explosion ever!Mr. ?

After 36 years, P.J. could finally speak, at least until Steven Hawking and a couple of his Astrophysicist Goons came to get his chair back.Mr. ?

The vampiress's promise of eternal youth was almost enough to enlist Billy into her army of the undead, until Billy realized that he already had eternal youth, and would rather be dead in the first place.Helder

"Agent D to base...I've got the suspect cornered. Request immediate backup."Pete

"Billy, we need to talk." Billy dreaded the let's-just-be-siblings speech that was coming.Helder

New from the Franklin Mint, this limited edition collector's plate, entitled "Mr. Bil Keane, I Sentence You To Twenty Years, With No Possibility Of Parole" is available today. Order now!Helder

"Well, I know of one male in this family who didn't inherit the Keane Curse.Helder

No matter how compelling Billy's case, Dolly always managed to sway judge PJ to her side.El Caballero

Here we are on the 15th fairway, Dolly looks to have a jolly good 10 feet to the hole. She's got her left hand out, thumb down, looks like she'll try to draw it right-to-left. Even on the projectile-vomiting golf circuit, the most popular announcers were the ones with the British accents.Ken

Billy paused. PJ sat dead with multiple stab wounds. A bent ice pick lay on the table's edge. Dolly licked blood off her hands. "Nothing odd here," Billy decided.El Caballero

"But it's not technically a 'job' if you enjoy doing it, right?"Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging Opie)

"And with that, I have a purity score of zero. Beat that, preppy!"Heath

"Hey, if this high chair's a rockin', don't bother knockin'..."Svingen

Six point three three seconds. Beat that!Heath (...and I'm not telling!)

To:Bil Keane From:The Untied Media group : We have found the following things wrong with comic #456 1.) The object on the high-chair bears too much of a resemblance to feces 2.) Billy can not be 'touching himself' on panel 3.) Dolly may not bite open P.J.'s chest and remove his heart with her teeth. [COMIC REJECTED]The EXXXorcist

[Image 15 of 15] Would you like to see the entire series? Click here to order your AdultCheck password!MrNeutron

This is the sort of thing the Amish paint on their barns to repel good668 Neighbor of the Beast (Mastering the dark art of returning dead archived captions to life)

( L-R ) The Butcher, the Baker, and the constant maturbator...Doc Evil

PJ proves that he's his father's son.frer

My three minutes are up already? Boy, I'm a long way from being a school of piranha!NME--

Edvard Munch's The Creamed Soup All Over the Kids' Faces.Mr. Ben McClellan

Right on the heels of a special "Rose Is Rose" directed by David Cronenberg came this "Family Circus" strip directed by George Romero.Paul T. Riddell

That boy eats a lot of corn!Les Miserables

"Dear Mr. Keane: In reference to your latest submission, we again remind you that the only four motion lines approved for daily strips are "movelles", "stressles", "shockles", and "confuselles". The use of "guzzles" is expressly forbidden."Sean Q

At that moment, the near north side of Chicago was the epicenter of a massive quake as the red-zone's enormous, toothless corpse revolved in its grave.Daniel M. Laenker

Relax, he's young. He'll be hard again in 10 minutes.Ken

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