DFC #46

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Holy sh...MOM! Run for it! Those kids are just a diversion! Here come the Hare Krishnas!RBByrnes

Yeah that's right Brown! You run away! And if you and your pathetic excuse for a dog show your faces around here ever again, I'll give you a real "Race For Your Life!"Kurt L.

Simaese twins, you say? Are those anything like Siamese twins? I'm just wondering, because I don't know what the FUCK "Simaese twins" are.Kurt the smart-ass spelling critic

Wow, two distorted melon-heads, joined together! Delivering that mutant freak must've hurt like hell... oh, dammit, mom! Quit chuckling! That's just mean.Kurt L.

Whoa... That's either the widest street in the world or those are the world's shortest lightposts!Rich Coughlan

No, this is the curb where you left the car. I guess Dolly figured out a way to reach the gas pedal after all.panicboy

Spare change for a homeless person? Oh, hi mom.Mr. Groovy

Hey, isn't that the woman who was dad's secretary about a year ago?anon

"Never mind those mongoloids; the wall just goosed me."Paul T. Riddell

Wow, momma! The doctor did a real good job! Everyone thinks that's your purse strap -- they can't tell it's holdin' on your artificial leg!zed

Mom, I can't believe you got us up at 3:30 AM and drove 200 miles this morning to this airline lost luggage store just because you saw it on Oprah Winfrey yesterday. Oh, I forgot to tell you something. I just remembered the principal gave me a note to give to you yesterday and said that if I missed one more day of school, you'd be arrested and thrown in jail. Can he really do that?Jalapeno Babe

Quick, Mom, hide! Here comes Bobby's nanny with his baby brothers. Don't let them see us. It's so embarrassing. Here we are looking for food in the restruant dumpsters and I'm wearing clothes the Salvation Army gave us and you're wearing Dad's old suit. I can't believe you dumped Howie Mandel in high school for Dad. If you had married him, I could've had my own TV series, "Billy's World."J.P. Hypnotizes U. - you want my caption, yes, you do

You see, mom? Dad can draw attractive women. I'd go home and beat the shit out of him, if I were you.Kurt L.

"..claimed the lives of two more members of the Keane family. Security cameras captured Billy's horrified expression just as he and his mother were cut in two by high-caliber gunfire. The familys sole survivor, Dolly, could not be reached for comment."patrik

What ticks me off is that Dad can hardly be bothered to draw a stick of furniture in our house, but he draws every damn brick in this wall here.anon

Christ, Ma! Don't you get it? If you expect to make any cash here today, we're gonna have to see a little flesh!Eryn O'Hara

See, more melon-headed kids. Call the EPA, there's gotta be something in the water!Greg J

No Ghost of Christmas Future! I won't believe you! Dolly is a lesbian! I KNOW, I JUST KNOW!elvis

As little Clark Kent's x-ray vision finally kicked in, he regretted the fact that his mother had decided to wear the g-string that morning.Kittycat

Hey, Mom, can we stop by the chili stand again on the way home? You wouldn't believe the high I'm getting from the vapors from your ass!Kittycat

And I tell you the truth! You must repent or face the mighty wrath of God....dammit, bitch! How many times have I told you women are suppossed to stand BEHIND the man!anon

And then Macbeth killed Iago, after he found out that...Whoa! Babe alert at 2 o'clock! Get lost, old bag, you're crampin' my style!Lord Byron

I see SHE took Thalidomide also, mom.Toade

With the amount of crack I sell that woman, it's a wonder that they AREN'T siamese twins!The Danimal

Damn, forget those two! Hey Ma, You been workin out?T-Bone

For God's sake, isn't there anything you can't get at Price-Costco these days?anon

You don't have to feel jealous, Mommy. Your plot to crush Dolly and Jeffy and PJ and me into bland, unquestioning, mechanistic ultraconformists has actually been pretty successful.anon

Hey! Anybody wanna buy some Pearl Jam tickets?Riff

Please help! Our alcoholic father ran off with the life savings! Any donations would be gladly accepted!nethicus

I'd say $200 to $250 but I'll have to call Enrico my baby broker to get the exact numbers.anon

Good Lord! Who pulled your finger.AJF

Damn, she got her figure back in no time! How long have you been trying to work off your baby fat, Mom?Greg J

We can only mug'em if they don't SEE you before they pass by. DAMN grownups, you can't teach 'em SHIT!BK

So that's what a home-wrecking, husband-stealing turbo slut looks like!zazu

Ever hear anything more about the lady who got knocked up at the abandoned nuclear power plant?Paul Roub

Mom, if you don't score some dime bags soon, Dad's gonna start shooting PineSol again.Capt. phealy

"Evidently, someone's got a higher sperm count than Daddy, huh Mom?"Blake

Does that mean their Daddy had two penises?Vincent Van Gopher

Hey lady, double your pleasure?zapper

Look at the melon heads on those two. Guess dad's been roamin' again mom.Yakko

I don't care how cute you think they are, I still don't want my tax dollars paying to educate the little leeches.Diggit

How come you never have panty lines?zed

Whoa, Mom!! Lay off the refried beans.Rishmawy

Is that the result of double penetration?Dann

Gee, Mom...in order to get twins, does the sex have to be twice as good?anon

Cheap ho for sale here! She takes anyone! Any age! Step right up and take a poke at my cheap ho!Matt

Damn! A runaway UPS truck and me with no camera!Bill Fortier

Their dad has a double-barrelled WHAT?8r

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