DFC #473

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

It's a mnemonic to remember the Keanes from oldest to youngest: o/` High, 'Ho, Pipe shows, Bitch, Awful jerk, Wee blowKen

"It's th' story about a virginal young girl who... lost you already, didn't I?"Stan Xhiao

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I got you an apple, Jeffy."Snibor Eoj

"I think I'm more familiar with her sister, China."scoob

"Horny, Kinky, Sadistic, Insatiable, Submissive, Hung, a-a-a-and... , don't tell me, I'll think of it..."The Golden Pony

"Dear Lord, please forgive Jeffy for violating the Disney boycott. Have mercy on him that he be not struck blind, nor stricken with cancer, nor rendered impotent by a fiercesome kick to the testicles. In the name of the Southern Baptist Conference, Amen."The Golden Pony

"Please please please let this be the one with Winona Ryder naked."El Caballero

Jeffy couldn't decide whether the mantric chanting or the buzzing vibro balls were more distracting.El Caballero

"Oh munificent Godbox, please provide our unworthiness with another animated classic..."El Caballero

Very good, Jeffy, snow is white! Now, what color is the sky?--'TV Flash Cards' make education fun!agm

"Ja-wooohl, ja-wooohl...it's to der kamps dey go."anon

Did her, did him, did him, did him, did him, he's impotent, did him, and he really is bashful.Gen. Sedgwick

"... plagarism, copyright violation, defamation ... " Jeffy had never seen someone channel a Disney lawyer.Helder

Wow, Dolly. That's a fucking uncanny shadow puppet.Patc

"...an' I'll play the beyootiful Snow White...and, of course, you'll be the Evil Queen, Jeffy."Stealth

"I would continually play that film, telling them they were watching The Weather Channel. They never understood how the dwarves fit in, or how it was even snowing in Arizona, but it gave me more free time to hit the pipe." - Thelma Keane, Guilty PleasuresK-Man

I'll never forget the day when I first realized what a beautiful young woman my sister had become. I knew then that somehow, someday, she would be mine. -- Keane Insights by Jeffy Keanesmj

Locked in a featureless room with an endless loop of Disney cartoons, Dolly begins to exhibit the symptoms of autism. The Keanes' sensory deprivation experiment is proving to be a success!Vinegar Tom

That was funny . . as far as Jeffy knew, the 'Itsy-Bitsy Spider' was supposed to climb up the water spout, but here it was muff-diving for the fourth time in a row.Hang Lose

... and when the evil mother and father burned with horrible genital sores, they knew never to touch the princess in that area again.Judgement Night

It was sad enough to watch Dolly play Rock Paper Scissors with herself; to see her gloat each time she won was just pathetic. --excerpt from Full Circle, by J. KeaneTom. Just Tom.

No, I guess it wouldn't be necrophilia if she's just asleep.NME--

"Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy . . . and those are just the side effects!"Heath

A whispered invocation to the Elder Gods, an arcane gesture, and like that, Jeffy is wished into the cornfield.Vinegar Tom (trying again)

"...and she came upon a little house so she furiously cleaned it 'til it sparkled, then the pudgy little people came home and swarmed all over her lovely body, then she ate something that made her brains stop workin'. Now do you get it?"Stan Xhiao

I was amazed when Dolly displayed her talent for changing the TV channels with her mind. But when I found out where she was holding the remote control, I was truly awed by her abilities. -- Recovered Memories by Jeffy KeaneTomF

"The voice of Snow White was Adriana Caselotti, who was in The Wizard of Oz with Harry Monty, who was in Hometown USA with Sally Kirkland, who was in JFK with Kevin Bacon. I win in three!"Helder

Poltergeist 4: Dolly awaits the long-foretold pulling of her finger from the great beyond.Gen. Sedgwick

Her diatribe on how much more successful Glen was than any of us was annoying enough, but I really wished that she'd finish taking my temperature.Orrin Bloquy

"Then I opened the can, and out came whoop-ass."OAK

"Ahhhhhh....Jeffy, when you got to go, you got to go!"OAK

"Come with us, Dolly Keane! Join us in the magic forest!" Soon Dolly would be head first in the picture tube, and Jeffy's Lil' Ventriloquist Voice-Throwing Kit would pay off.LuvBJones

Personally, I identify more with Sleeping Beauty -- left cold by a sleep-inducing prick and waiting to be awakened by the kiss of a real man.Gen. Sedgwick

At the sight of Snow White, Dolly lapsed into a moaning, vegetative trance. But Jeffy didn't find this a quarter as disturbing as what she did for Mary Poppins.Magus

Waitaminnit... She's having my giant fish fantasy , isn't she?Doc Evil

"What is the color of Grandma's pubes? I'll take Grosser Than Gross for $500, Alex!"Heath (salvaging anon)

"Let's see, one from the front, one from the back, one in her mouth, one in each hand . . ."Heath

There! And now that I've got the latex glove on...Bad Girl

Our TV which art our haven, hallowed be thy name. Thy cable come, thy still be fun, at noon, as it is at seven. Entertain us today, all day til bed, and forgive us all week as we forfeit our weekend. And lead us now into sedation, but deliver us from reruns. For thine is the sitcom, and the drama, and the gory, for ever, Amen!Les Miserables

I never believed her until she demonstrated it... but you could sing Dueteronomy to the tune of "Heigh Ho..." --Geoff Keene, "Con-Centered Circles"Bill

Jeffy had to admire her concentration. Xena had ended over an hour ago.Sean Q

"As she launched into another diatribe on how Snow White was a capitalist tool of oppression for womyn and vertically impared persons, I snapped & rammed her head through the TV. Fortunately it was the Reagan era, and I got off with probation." Geoffry Keane in Done My Time In Hell.Rev B

"Ah, Jeffy-san, your training will not be complete until you have memorized the sexual preferences of all seven dwarves."Enota

"If you close your eyes, you can almost hear everyone's stomach churning in anticipation of the nauseatingly cute thing I'm about to say."Helder

"One dwarf to fool them all, One dwarf to bind them, One dwarf to gag their mouths and in the darkness grind them!"Helder

"Hah! Not when I'm done with her!"Black Cupid

Wow, WebTV really does blow up the point size on those screen fonts. I can't wait until we get to the dirty pictures!Coalcracker

Got that? One tequila shot each time Dopey doesn't say anything.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Come on... show the picture... The letter said one more copyright infringement and Eisner would shut us down forever!Bill

Disney and The Family Circus. Jesus Christ, throw in Microsoft and this will officially be hell.K-Man

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