DFC #477

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

In its youth, the Protokeanus delights in a thin yet powerful urinary spray, marking territory as it ranges. In its later years, the species grows big and slow, and polyps slow its stream to a series of large drops.Stan Xhiao

Look out dad, you're approaching Libyan air space!Mr. Me (or doesn't that look like a world map to you?)

Ach du Leiber! I am powerless to stop Der Fuhrer! Soon the Sudentenland will be his! -- Die FamilenZirk, ca. 1932.Coalcracker

Wait! We need to go back! I left my wallet at the crime scene!Judgement Night

After Bil easily breached Jeffy's smaller, weaker dotted lines, Jeffy realized his only alternative left was a kamikaze attack.Podbeing (I'm not sure either...)

"Dad! Dad! Stop! We're HO scale!"Tonton Macoute

Are you SURE the aliens can read this crap?Namgubed the Merry Elf

"I know that wasn't mescaline you fed me, right? Right? I mean if that was really mesc, I'd be really hyper, right? Right? And, like, I'd be running around and babbling and it'd just be crazy, right? Jeez, it's hot out here let's sit down or just go to sleep but I can't sleep because I'm just too hyper and..." That's when Bil took a rock from the stream and did a bad thing.The Boy

"In this caption, we can see the distinctly Dada-ist leanings of Mr. Keane's work in the late 20th Century. Note the size of Bil in comparison to the tree; Bil is a man growing in power, leaning and towering over little Jeffy. Jeffy is panicking, making incomprehensible utterances. Their paths are twisted. Only today, 300 years after Keane's passing, do we truly recognize his genius. Tree With Hill Behind It is a masterpiece!"Chowderhead

"I don't care how fucking far it is! I'm not drinking decaf!"Torc.

"Oh no . . Must go into my special place . . . go into my special place . . . go into my specal place . . .go into my special place . . "Hang Lose

"I didn't mean to take your fetameems!" csyn

Here, the hyperactive Superego confronts the lumbering Id in a classic Freudian confrontation near the stream of consciousness. --Excerpt from the Family Circus Psychoanalytical Workbook.Stan Xhiao

"Stop! Pay Toll, $0.10" Another one? thought the elder Keane, That's four in the past five minutes. And with that thought percolated the idea that 15 years later would come to fruition. -- Charles Kuralt, Birth of the Garden State ParkwayKen

No shrubs were harmed in the making of this comic strip. One little boy was seriously fucked up, but no shrubs were harmed.crispy

"OK OK OK OK! But only on two conditions-- one, promise to be gentle, and two, I am not wearing the cubscout uniform. Deal?"Hang Lose

"NowareyouconvincedIneedRITALIN?GIMMESOMEGODAMRITALIN!"spun(who desperately needs ritalin himself)

Meanwhile in another reference frame, the 37-year-old Jeffy has walked the straight line, and 6-year-old Billy has taken the meandering path. To an observer riding on Jeffy's back, the trees would 500 feet tall and whizzing past at 1/4 the speed of light. -- Paradox Jemini Keane, Relativity for DummiesKen

Yeah, right, Bil....like you'd ever walk a straight line!Gaijin Marty

Face it, Bil, the dance lessons were completely wasted on you.Gen. Sedgwick

"Ants! ANTS!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!"scoob

By performing the mysterious, twisting dance, the drone Melon is able to tell the others where the alcohol and drugs can be found. Field Guide for the Lesser North American KeanePodbeing (attempting to salvage Schol-R-LEA)

"Nay, father, ye kinna go there! The Laird will flay ya open like a haggis sack!" Despite Jeffy's entreaties, Bil plodded through the blasted heath in search of men who, he had been told, wear skirts.Stan Xhiao

I've decided I want to be a pilot for Southwest Airlines when I grow up!Robbbbb

Despite repeated, increasingly desparate letters and "concept drawings" to Johnny Cash, Bil never got to direct the music video for "I Walk the Line".MrNeutron

"Left foot green! Right foot green! Left foot green! Right foot..." from The Lamest Game of Twister Ever PlayedTorc.

"Stand and--HEY! *puff puff* Stand and deli--shit! *puff puff* STAND AND DELIVER, DAMMIT!"Pete

What the fuck? Every time Billy does this, he gets to see the neighbors' back yards, delivery men, swingsets, and more! All I get is a fucking meadow with nobody in it! This blows!Elkman

Things worked out, like they often do. Billy got a Science Fair "A" for his shrink formula. Dolly got an "A" for her Bonsai terrarium. And PJ's pet spider Hairy Bob was eventually happiest of all.Slibs

Jeffy's third-prize-winning Science Fair project demonstrates that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line as long as Bil's at one end and anything reeking of immorality is at the other. Crazy Climber

"How the hell am I supposed to pee behind a bush if they're all 3 inches tall?"Helder

Try as he might, Jeffy could not outrun the Word Balloon of Damocles.scoob

Typical Superfund clean up site: cover the black dioxin laden soil with a thin veneer of green and hope no one walks across it.El Caballero

Did Bil crawl under that shrub, or did it somehow materialize just after he passed? - DFC mindfuck quiz, question #37rudy

"*gnnnnnnn* *GNNNNNNNN* What the fuck!! That asshole Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't teach me shit."K-Man

"Dad, look! I found your ball! Should we go fish your clubs outta the lake?"Sean Q (self-salvaging)

There, I've *pant* *pant* traced the entire coastline of Denmark *pant* *pant*. Now on to the rest of *wheeze* Germany. *pant* *pant* God, I gotta quit smoking.Seamus

"You're too late. I've already marked every bush and tree with my scent, so that makes this panel mine! Now get the hell out."Helder

Already having sodomized his famous blue ox, Bil Bunyan had taken to violating young campers.macb3th

Bil's game of "Make the Hornets Angry" was a great success. Jeffy was bumbling around incoherently, and his tongue was too swollen to talk. "I didn't know he was allergic", Bil would later say.macb3th

"One man may journey a thousand steps in no set direction, while another in a purposeful way. At the end of the voyage, no discussion is allowed, and the father must be serviced" - Keanefucious- Chapter 2, Verse 17Leth

Salvador Dali's 'The Persistence of Jeffy Keane'Cordelia's Dad

Another Easter, another Easter egg hunt. Jeffy's technique was to run helter skelter about the meadow, trying to be the first to look under each bush, tree, rock, and dead animal. Bil, on the other hand, would march over to the Easter Bunny's den, drag the little bastard out and proceed to beat him within an inch of his life until he disclosed his hiding places.Lt. Dan

The incontinent object meets the irrelevant force.Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging the General)

"I then asked the suspect to step out of the car and take a standard Sobriety test. Suspect was able to touch nose and walk a straight line without difficulty. Suspect's son, however..." Report filed by Officer E. Kowalski, August 14, 1999, after routine pulloverJester

"Hey, Dad - how come whenever that one guy yells 'Fore!', you always yell back 'Skin!'?"anon

"I ran through 2 poison oak bushes and a squirrel bit me in the tree! This fucking game of Simon Says is OVER!"K-Man

Inspector Bil finally tracks down and "bad touches" the fleeing Jeff Valjeff in the Family Circus musical, Les Dysfonctionnels.Helder

Jeffy would prove to be the worst Qix player of all time.Coalcracker

As a result of the Keane family, the saying was truncated to 'Take only photographs'.Hang Lose

"And as soon as I fire this harpoon you're going down! YOU HEAR ME? ALL you AT-AT's are on my shitlist now!"K-Man

Round, my ass! The world is flat! Look, there's the edge.Christophe Columbi

"John Denver! You're alive!"Torc.

"Dad! Dad! Dolly fell down the well and Mom sent me over to tell you. Look at these cool worms I found!"Heath

We've secretly replaced Jeffy's regular hemorrhoid salve with Old El Paso Habanero Paste. Let's see if anyone notices.Mycroft (salvaging Doc Evil, sort of)

"Me? Looking for an escape route? I don't know what you're talking about."Helder

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