You can't be serious! You come home, I'm naked from the waist down, and do you even notice? NO. You go look at the goddamn kids playing friggin' "Gilligan's Island" on the couch. Well, I might as well tell you -- I've been screwing the Phantom, AND Spiderman, and once I even did the old guy from the Lockhorns. So why doncha go draw that, cartoon-boy!zed
One more smartass crack about Jeffy using my diaphragm as a life preserver and YOU'LL be sleeping on that "ship," Bil.Rev.Oley
They keep calling themselves "Billy and the Ass Pirates" and demanding that I surrender my booty.db
Dear, we really have raised a group of idiots...everybody knows that the *love seat* is the boat and the couch is a *bus*.The Unmasked Revenger
I just hope that's not your novelty telescope with the naked women in it...The Unmasked Revenger
No...I don't mind them playing "bus"...what I mind is PJ getting carsick all over the carpet!RBByrnes
Well, how did you expect them to react when you told the little knotheads that they could drown by wetting their beds?RBByrnes
Monday was "Midway", Tuesday was "D-Day" and today it's "The Mai Lai Massacre" I think it's time to get rid of the Discovery Channel!zazu
Well, of course it seems like innocent fun now. You didn't have to swab the fucking "poop deck".zed
Sorry, they sank your La-Z-Boy about an hour ago. You'll have to sit on one of the kitchen chairs.zed
Could you get the nailpolish remover? The older children super-glued my knees and PJ's face to the wall.Rich Coughlan
It was cute, until Billy and Dolly turned 18. Now, it's deeply disturbing.Kurt L.
They've been doing this ever since we went to see "White Squall." I think they want out of the cartoon, Bil. They crave the sweet release that only a watery death can bring.Kurt L.
Isn't it cute? I gave them all different doses but they're having the same hallucination anyway!Wha..?
They're pretending to be Vietnamese boat people again. Go in there and pretend you're China and tell them they have to turn back.panicboy
Some guy from the marina called trying to get all this stuff back, but I just pretended I didn't speak english.Diggit
Every time I go into the living room, the little shits start yelling "The White Whale", and throw darts into my ass.Diggit
THAR SHE BLOWS!! No wait, they've finished.paTRICK heSTER
I think this is the episode where the Professor and Mary Ann drug the others, lock them in their huts, and escape the island for a weekend in Las Vegas. What do you think, 'Professor'?Roy
Yeah, Bil, the kids playing pirate was real fucking cute...until they keelhauled and flogged the dog.The Unmasked Revenger
Bil, what the hell did you slip in the kids' Kool-Ade this time?ik
Oh God! Not this "Cap'n Billy and the Seamen" schtick again!Kittycat
Kind of gives "ship of fools" a whole new meaning, doesn't it dear?Hamlet
I don't know why we didn't think of it before. You just put the Prozac in a wad of peanut butter and stick it to the roof of their mouths.Horselover Fat
Dorks sighted on the starboard bow! Battle stations!Macavity
Honey, I have GOT to take a crap! Will you PLEASE get the toilet seat away from Jeffy?Bill Fortier
Dammit honey, you don't understand. They REALLY THINK it's a BOAT. They're MORONS! Stupid, tedious little moron FREAKS.Kurt L.
...and if you'd do your job and draw a damn floor, we wouldn't have to rely on Billy's Magical Flying Sofa! Kurt L.
P.J.'s trying to escape. Quick, get the shotgun.Kurt L.
That damn Jeffy's taken my 'roids pillow AGAIN!Bubba
It's wonderful how well Jeffy's adjusted, ever since Barfy chewed off both his legs.Kurt L.
Isn't it cute?... Billy got into your Jack Daniels, and now they're playing "Exxon Valdez."anon
Isn't that cute? They're playing 'Titanic' -- I'm going to chuck ice cubes at them later.anon
Speaking of "land ho", what happened to that hundred bucks that was in your wallet?anon
Billy deciding who gets thrown to the sharks. He's gonna make one fine executive, someday.anon
What worries me, is that Dolly is the one who is most ethusiastic about "orgy with native women."Zebra
Sail away quick! Dad noticed us peekin' in on them screwin' in the kitchen!Riff
Yoo-hoo! Hagar! How 'bout givin' us a lift out of this damn strip?Riff
"200 more micrograms and this comic strip turns into Calvin & Hobbes."Reynard D. Fox
[ Insert missing dildo joke of your choice ]insane
"If they sing 'Friggin' In the Rigging' one more time, I'll feed them to the sharks."Paul T. Riddell
Uh, I know it looks cute, but it won't be so adorable when they all start pretending to have scurvy.Magus
... and if you look out the starbord side, you can see Daddy, who's pissed off at us for standing on the sofa.Riff
Slow down, Billy! You're steerin' us out of the panel!Riff
It's the weirdest thing. All I can see are a bunch of speech bubbles with brackets in 'em and an upside-down question mark!Riff
We've secretly replaced the Keane children with slightly smaller versions. Let's see if they notice.anon
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