DFC #485

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"So whaddaya think?" "Well rendered, but there's no way your dad's target demographic will get the 'Jesus and Mary Plane' gag."Gen. Sedgwick

"...and then the airplane comes to take Jeffy, and PJ, and Dolly to Heaven and I'll be the only child." "Um....very nice. Now hand me the pencil slowly, Billy."Lucifer Antichrist

"St. Amelia? St. Wiley? Are you serious?" "Seems the Vatican has lowered their standards..."Gen. Sedgwick

"It's an Angel, flying up to Heaven to give Granpda a 'hug' for me. But just in case, I also drew one manning a backhoe."Hang Lose

"I passed the test?" "Yes, the folks from ValuJet just called. You'll start tomorrow as lead mechanic!"Coalcracker

"Wow! I can't believe you actually used to date Carlos the Jackal!"MattQ

"Hey, remember that episode of Amazing Stories where the cartoonist saves his own life by drawing landing gear? What would have happened if it were Dad?" "He'd be totally fucked, dear."Doihle

As Billy explained his idea for the new comic book Gremlins vs. The Flying Nun, Thel found herself speechless.Dan Deake

"It's Mary and Joseph's flight from Egypt." "Awwwwwwwwwwwww...howww...cuuuuuuuuuute." Voice-over: "Prozac--mother's little helper. Now in extreme cherry flavor."Dave Matthews

And thus did William son of Bil spake "Oh heavenly matron Thel, I did draw for you the pictures of St. Roy and St. Bil as members of the mile-high club. Does the image suit thee?" And Thel did reply "'Tis naughty in my sight. I do adore it." -Book of Deviance 5: 15-16RipperJak

"I was gonna haft to learn 'bout lift and drag in physics, but now all I need to know is that God puts an Angel in every 'plane, an' that's what makes 'em fly!" "Ah, Billy, God Bless the Kansas board of Ed. for setting things right!"Pastor Perry

"Would you like to hear another Herve Villechaize joke?" "Would you like to have your genitals buffed down to a smooth finish?"Helder

"When you touch yourself the Saints fly" " CRY, Billy. The Saints cry- OK ?"Rodney

"Would you do it on a plane? Would you do it with Saint Benedict of Aniane and Saint William of Aquitaine?" "I'd do them both and ask for more. Didn't you know your mother's a filthy whore?"Helder

"Am as good a cartoonist as Daddy, Mommy?" I asked. She replied 'Yes, Billy. Yes you are," and then burst into tears. It would be years later before I understood why. --William Keane, Jr Mrs. Keane and the Vicious Circle-Jester

A picture is worth a thousand words. In Billy's case, however, they're all unprintable.'zoid

Dear spinn, I love your site, but could you please tell me where the damn Mute button is? I must have hit it by accident. -- frustr8ed@webtv.netKen

"I drew it so poorly. You're wet, aren't you?""You know how much that turns me on, dear."Hang Lose

" ?" " !"Schol-R-LEA

"Sure, God is my co-pilot.... but Satan is my bombardier!"dirtysweet

"As you can see in frame #2,278, two glowing disks are clearly visible as they close on the plane, thus proving that John-John was shot down by alien spacecraft!" "If you take this public, we'll destroy you, understand? DESTROY YOU!" -- Oliver Stone's JFK2'zoid

"I told you tiny flying Christians were buzzing the breakfast nook! See? I smacked 'em with my sketchpad." "Sorry, dear. I thought it was the drugs talking."'zoid

"Mommy, will you put it up on the fridge?" "No dear, it's crap."Buoy

"So is that Joseph, or is that the Pilate?...Pilate, get it?" "Sigh. Yeah son, you're just as lame as your old man. Shoot yourself now."Steve

"Look, it's grandpa and your last abortion. Wouldn't dad be proud?" "God, I hate you. Really, I do."El Caballero

"It's just a theory, mind you, but if Christ was not crucified at all, but crashed his plane in the Andes and his disciples were forced to eat his corpse to survive, that would provide a logical genesis (pardon the expression) for the communion ritual!" "A most intriguing thesis, Professor. If validated, this could turn Christendom on its collective ear! When do you plan to publish?"'zoid (salvaging dirtysweet)

"I'm going to hell for this, right?" "Well, yes, but not for this"Torc.

"...then they'll bomb the fuck out of the Jews! Then they'll bomb the fuck out of the Muslims..." "Yeah, yeah, just let me know when they get to me so I can thank them."Torc.

"...and they come to me every night, and it doesn't seem like a dream" "That Grandpa of yours... once a pimp, always a pimp"megafrim

"How can I make this any lamer?" "Draw a circle around it, honey."Heath

"Better?" "Well, it's still pretty fucking weird, but at least now you don't have the apostles straddling a giant missile."Rotter

"What's this?" "Page 50 of the Kama Sutra, dear."Magus

"I'll send him this for starters, just to get him scared, then demand money when I send the first of the photos" "Brilliant! And the Pope has deep pockets!"megafrim

"What do you think?" "Well, Castro and Hussein arn't dead..... yet."Mr. ?

"Alli. Me quieres mi sexo ahora?" "No. Yo quiero el sexo de jeffy. Lo siento." The lamest episode of "Mi Corazon" ever to grace the local spanish station.K-Man

something nauseatingly cute...something incredibly stupid.Les Miserables

"The psychologist said this showed I had a fertile imagination." "But I thought your vasectomy was supposed to take care of that."maf

"...so Jesus and Santa can still deliver all the presents!" "Honey, please let it go, I promised never to cook venison for dinner again."Sean Q

Billy and Thel's debate "Who's more powerful, Superman or God?" raged for years and yielded no conclusive answers.maf

"Do you suppose that everyone in heaven is in the Mile-High Club?" "If I ever get there, they will be."Helder

"And in an ironic twist of fate, the angels give JFK Jr. a plane to get to heaven with. Get it? AHAHAHAHAHA!" "I don't think George will appreciate that, Billy. Try Penthouse"Seamus

"Can I ask a stupid question?" "Just as long as I can give a stupid answer."Stan Xhiao

"Check out the size of this tab! I'm going to be tripping for weeks!" "God Bless Sam's Club"Stiles

"...so then the angels bombed Hiroshima." "No Billy, that was the Jesuits." The horrors of home-schooling.deX!

Bil's favorite Sunday afternoon activity was erasing the word balloons to get some peace and quiet.Heath

"We're having a Hallmark Moment right now, aren't we, Mom?" "Bad artwork, overweening sentiment...I guess we are, Billy."Stan Xhiao

As part of a last-ditch effort to contain costs, ValueJet airways cancelled expensive in-flight movies and distributed a colorful "interactive cocktail napkin" and a pencil to each passenger. Many passengers preferred to use the pencils on the flight attendants.Stan Xhiao

That night, the Catholic Church sent out a suicide squad composed entirely of fanatic Jesuits to wipe out Billy's unknowing heresy.Mighty God-King

"It's the Sainted Gnomes of the Luftwaffe!" "Oh, no, not this delusion again. I'll get the ritalin."Nethicus

"Well Dad just killed a fifth of gin / so once again young Billy's sitting in." "Yes, Bil's a hack and talentless / It's up to you, my little Oedipus." "Baaabe... I got you, babe..."Sean Q (and yes, it scans... well, I think it scans... where's that damned Sonny & Cher CD...)

"And now's Grandpa's riding it into heaven!" "Nice, Billy, but your grandpa died sniffing propellant."Nethicus

"What do you think?" "I dunno, son. Savior or not, I'm not sure I would have upgraded Jesus to first class without the frequent-flyer miles."Coalcracker

"There's always room at the inn, if it's the St. Louis Airport Marriott. Just minutes from downtown, west on I-70!" "And the Baby Jesus can stay free!" Bil's method of paying for vacations was shameless, but it beat staying at Best Western.'zoid

"Wow, when you said you had to finish putting on your face, you weren't kidding!" "Just give me the eyebrow pencil, you little bastard."Steevie

"You're kidding me this time, right?" "Hey, a deal's a deal. Whatever Bil draws when he's drunk, you sign your name to. In return, we don't tell the authorities about your little 'hobby.'"'zoid

"I see a blonde with big hooters, just achin' for some Billy-style lovin'." "And I see a nice tall glass of tequila with a heroin chaser." - Wednesday is "Rorsharch" night at the Keane householdmaf

"My teacher said that angels fly using airplanes." "Your teacher also said he'd divorce his wife and take me away from all this. Do you see a pattern?"Helder

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