DFC #489

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Oh SHIT...The ghost of Barfy is coming out of Dolly's ear! I'M SORRY, BARFY! JUST MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"K-Man

Illustration 12B from Stigmata for Dummies.Torc.

"When the batteries run down, I'm gonna kick the shit out of you Dolly!"Torc.

"But when Dolly comes home from school, she's always got a headache!"Nethicus

That smug look on Dolly's face was the trigger. She was picking quills out of her ass for a week. Finally, the answers about my lineage and my unique coiffure became clear.-- Porcupine Boy: The First Decade by Jeff KeaneLucifer Antichrist

First day of school in the Keane household: Jeffy always reached the front door only to realize that he hadn't aged a single year!Bob Scott

"But Mom, it was my turn to wear the frilly skirt!"Sean Q

"IRS sonsabitches! At least leave me the pants! Get Murray on the phone! Fuckin' offshore tax shelters! WHERE THE HELL IS MURRAY?"agtorange

Despite repeated attempts, Thel discovered that no amount of slamming would remove the noisy obstacle from the door.MattQ

"Bye bye, see you after school. Oh, and Jeffy: Simon Says you can pee now."Sean Q

White tie, pocket protector, a fucking briefcase... no, I'm not gonna get the living tar beat out of me this year...Sean Q

"Christ, that's the last time I represent Jeffy," thought Billy. "Even Scott Weiland doesn't show up in court in his underwear, strung out on smack."Seamus

"Why can't Billy stay home and play 'slave-boy' with daddy? After all, the sick little pervert actually likes it."Helder

Hansel and Gretel felt pangs of regret when they thought of the ones that wouldn't make it out of the gingerbread house.Doihle

"I can't play with you now, Jeffy. I've got to go make Billy's life a living Hell!"supernaut

Once Dolly perfected the telekinetic wedgie, it was either succumb to the constant blackmail, like Billy, or pay the price.Steve

"It's not working. I can't do this without my tutu!"Ken

"The glove of B. backwards on the wrong hand, First bits of hair on the young girl's face, Infant levitating to his mother's breast, Important people brought to tears." Was Nostradamus predicting the Clinton presidency or just reading the comics?Ken

Size does NOT matter!!!Jeddie Bear

"Waahh! I want air! I want sun!"Tonton Macoute

CruelDees . . . the chemically treated training pants that make damn sure that Junior's accidents don't go unnoticed.Hideo Spanner

You ever have one of those dreams where you forget to wear pant.....ARGGHHHHHHH!!!!Mr. ?

You won't be shaving your face for another year, Dolly taunted.Bad Girl

Christ, Riverdance is just fucking bizarre since Flatley left.Black Cupid

Edvard Munch's Ow, My Fucking Leg!K-Man

The Legion of Super Heroes Roll Call: Surly Lad, No-panties Lass, Corncob Girl, Levitation Lad, Barfy (visiting from the Legion of Super Pets) and last and least, Crybaby Kid.maf

Dolly loved leaving Jeffy with blue-balls...Les Miserables

"Put my nipples back where they belong!"Heath

"No, I swear! I really did trip my nutsak! Ow! Ow!"Heath [either that, or 'I'm being repressed!']

Williamangelo's celebrated painting of St Jeffy, driving the harlots and moneychangers from the temple.Nyder

Ironically, Billy didn't even want the enema.Bad Girl

And right before she left, Dolly whispered, "We'll bring you some bear claws."Bad Girl

"I want to get on the ark too!"Torc.

The Franklin Mint is proud to present Daddy Made Parole, #77 in a series of DFC Plates.Pete

"*sob* What a feeling... *sob* what a feeling...I can dance it all, now I'm dancin' for my life--PLEASE LET ME STOP IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! ...what a feeling..."Pete

"Keane's ingenious blending of well-loved operatic genres may not have been apparent to his culturally pedestrian readership, but he incorporated enough well-known cues that even the old folks at the retirement center could realize, at a subliminal level, that they were witnessing artistic mastery. Here, Pagliacci mourns the departure of his lover Brunhilde who is being escorted to the Afterlife by her master, the Angry Barber Of Seville. Looking on is Cerberus who, in a particulary Keanian twist, has one dog head, one human infant's head, and the usual canine head." From Channel Chuckles To Symphony Silliness: The Genius of Bil Keane, University of Arizona PressStan Xhiao

Dolly, I swear I'm nothing without you! Nothing! Don't leave me, Dolly! DOLLY!Non D. Script

"Barfy has three eyes! Barfy has THREE FUCKING EYES!!!" Yeah, well so do I, thought Billy. And Dolly's growing facial hair, PJ's got legs that are five feet long, and your nipples are on your stomach, you fucking crybaby. God damn it, I hate living in Love Canal.BA(fixing typos)

What A crock, thought Billy. Earn tons of money selling Grit door to door? Hah! How can I compete with Girl Scout Nookies?Swivomatica

The demise of the DFC finally split up the family. While Billy was less than thrilled after being picked #37 in the free agent draft by Beetle Bailey, Dolly seemed happy in her new role as Peppermint Patty's "friend from Sweden." As for me, I got a decent gig -- nothing to write home about. Perhaps it was Jeffy who got the worst of it -- he was forced to put diapers back on and play me. -- From Spinning Off the Circle by P.J. ArbuckleCoalcracker

"Fuck!" thought Billy, "This is a sad fucking world when I have to go to my motherfucking office to get some peace and quiet."Hang Lose

The days when the Ballpeen Hammer Nutsack Fairy visited were always Dolly's favorite days.Slibs (edited by Helder)

So I figured, everyone's splitting, I might as well bugger Jeffy one last time, for old time's sake. "Mammaries" by Ida KnowLt. Dan

Back to the DFC Archive index