DFC #491

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)
"I'm just running to the kitchen. Johnny wanted to come over and play 'Hide the Salami', so I want to be sure that we've got some."Hang Lose

"Two, smoking."K-Man

He's selling black-market kittens. How many do we want?Mr. Ben McClellan

That was the first day he visited. He and Mom spent hours alone together. After the third and last time, he took PJ with him. --What Was His Name Anyway? by J. KeaneKat

"One, he's not your remote, and two, the TV's in the other room, moron."Heath

"This Tuttle guy says he can get that vibrator you lost out of the heating system, no problem. Go with him or wait for Central Control?" --from Terry Gilliam's Family CircusHasNoName

Jeffy's words were lost on deaf ears. All Thel was thinking about was a night long ago, a night in Paris, a yound lad in a cap jauntily cocked over one eye . . . Could it be? Could Pierre have found her at last?the scottish valkyrie

"All I could find was a little Swiss boy. But a finger is a finger, do you really care?HasNoName

'I told them that the more you sweat, the taller you grow. God, that was a great summer'. : THEL KEANE: Guilty PleasuresLots42@aol.com

"Mom, I asked for a gameboy, not a homeboy!"Torc.

Mommy, if Billy uses my black ski mask, can I be charged as an accessory to the crime?jacquitequila

"I'm giving notice. Kyle here is getting me a good job, a decent job, over on South Park. Oh, and if Murray calls, tell him he's a big fat fuck."agtorange

"Now that I've met this worthless toad in person, I'm mortified to introduce my agent...."Twomp

"Gee, Mom, we hate to interrupt right while PJ's bein' born 'n' everything, but can we have some Jell-O?"anon

Eat my dust, you no-talent whore. I've been cast as Shermy in "Peanuts."Bad Girl

"I secretly sent an application off to become one of Santa's elves, and they've come to tell me I've been accepted. Sure, it's still child slavery, but at least your rectum remains your own."One of Bil's lawyers who secretly finds it funny

Charming-and-talented, coming through! Morey wants to 'do lunch' about a possible IADL cross-over. Don't wait up!Bad Girl

One of the rare early panels with Zeppo Keane.Bad Girl

Well, you losers may be on a one way trip to nowhereville, but I'm going on tour with Eminem. You can call me MC Bacon Head from now on. Word!The Short Bus Driver

Dad really IS taking yodeling lessons with a little Swiss man. I thought it was a euphemism too, but here's the instructorKal

The dark blob of evil is swallowing Billy. I am so outta here.Bad Girl

PJ? Meet the high bidder on eBay.Bad Girl

"Do either of you know how one gets 'jiggy with it?'"Helder

"This leprick.. leperch... laparch... fuckit, the little green guy wants to know if we've seen his rainbow. Should I tell him to come back Sunday?"'zoid

Billy had a little electrolysis accident...Les Miserables

"First he says 'nickel bag', now he says that means five dollars. Can he do that?"maf

Right, that's it! Everyone knows it means trouble when they start bringing in cousin Oliver.Bad Girl

"We're in love, and we're moving to Doonesbury together. Don't try to stop us."Helder

"Those damn Wee Pals are back. Should I call the exterminator?"Helder

"Yeah, he's back, and not only that but taped to his back we found photos of him posed in front of many recognizable world monuments."Moorlock

"Quick mom, get my dancing shoes, there's going to be a rumble tonight." Unfortunately, West Side Story left Jeffy ill-prepared for gang life.Helder

"He keeps asking for a 'Log of Fag'.....man, that is like, so, #440's..."Don Cabron *sniff*

"Oh yeah? Well, I can get him off with two fingers!" --from The Dysfunctional Name That TuneHeath

"We haven't seen a flat, rotting colon anywhere, have we?"Helder

"Says his name's Namgubed, but I dunno, he doesn't look that merry to me. Let him in or kill him where he stands?"Nyder (self-salvaging again)

He owes me three wishes, and I'm saving one for #497. Any suggestions on the others?Gen.Sedgwick (I know how I'd use one...)

Says he came all the way from the North Pole to become a dentist. I ain't buying a word of it.Gen. Sedgwick

"MOM! RUN! It's a trapper! it's a--" *BAM*Tom. Just Tom. (Thanks for the five years!)

Goofus is armed and ready for his visit to a local 7-11, meanwhile Gallant politely asks his mother for a pair of pantyhose.Kevy

Thel, did Bil take *my* lederhosen again?Darkwater

Aroused and startled by another male intruding on her territoty, the long-necked Keane will extend her neck to its longest in an effort to show dominance. Then it'll usually offer free blowjobs, but that's just for pleasure, really.Pete

"It's Gregory. He's come to hug your daughter."Jil not-so-Keane

It's an Amway rep. I'll go retrieve the shotgun...rudy

"...something about 'Dysfunctional South Park'. Is that even possible?"flodnak

Dad's Oktoberfest DTs are manifesting in the living roommegafrim

"It's the Menopause Fairy, but relax... He's here to see Dolly."'zoid

...and here you see a painting by Rennaissance master Bilnardo De Keani, depicting the Madonna and Child approached by a very ugly cherub and one 'wiseguy' sent to collect the Holy Virgin's gambling debt. De Keani was later burnt at the stake with the approval of both Church and State.Twisted Mentat

"Welcome your new son, Mom. Honestly, though, I didn't think comics had Nielsens."Heath

"Ma, can I borrow a C-note? The escort service doesn't accept checks."Torc.

"The ...huff ... paperboy ... pant ... wants his ... wheeze ... two dollars. Dammit, I'd swear the front door was closer to your chair yesterday."Helder

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