DFC #495

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

We knew Mom's waxing obsession had gotten out of hand when she replaced the floor of our kitchen with a three-foot-thick sheet of solid polyurethane. -- Dolly Keane, The Last LaughRiff

"She's on to you, fall back, FALL BACK"The EXXXorcist

Christ, Mom, will ya drop the puck already?!?!rudy

I don't know... there's something about this square picture that's oddly disturbing.....Mr. ?

"Whoa! Two plastic soldiers! Hot damn, maybe she got the cookies and ice cream, too!"Heath

Well, that settles that. Goofus can't fuck worth shit!Bad Girl

"Do it! Do it! Open the 'fridgerator! Ka-fuckin'-blewie, baby!"Torc.

Damn, mom is hot.Bad Girl

"News flash! All your asses look fat in heels!"Stan Xhiao

Well I'll be darned. Those rocket shoes actually work!Chris "Werehamster" Dugan

"I managed to have Billy bring him into the kitchen. That's when I opened up the box of bear claws. The lil' fucker fell back so fast he slid right through the wall. I nearly pissed my pants." --Thelma Keane, Guilty PleasuresK-Man

The final appearance of Kittycat in the DFC, center-right, floating in formaldehyde.Torc.

Well, I'll be...They ARE conspiring!agm

There's no way in hell I would have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. But by God she did it; between the awsome suction she could generate after almost 500 panels of hard-core fellatio and our mother's tendency to polish all surfaces in the house to a near-frictionless sheen, a very confused Billy began sliding across the floor towards us.Pete B., trying to go out with a bang

"We finally get a big-screen projection TV, and that dork wants to show home movies on it!"Dvandom

Better stay out of the kitchen for another five minutes. I hear Dad revving up the Zamboni.Coalcracker

"I can't believe it. The son of a bitch made parole again."Kris Mullen, Vitamin Tom 2 of 2 (the other VitaminTom [no space] is my brother)

Fortunately, two minutes in Thel's box for hooking, tripping or roughing was anything but a penalty.Helder

Uh-oh, they scuffed up Mommy's floor. This should be fun to watch.Anastasia

His head is bigger than ever... the next hissy-fit is going to be extreme.Horselover Fat

"Hold my dolly, PJ. I'm gonna show these fucktards how this game is really played."Helder

In the distance, Dolly could just make out a figure that must be her mother. If she started now and moved quickly, she might make it to the table before the food got cold.megafrim

"Shit. There goes my 'plausible denability'."Thomas Wilde

"Pretty devious, Peej, putting the empty cookie bag back on the top shelf. As long as Jeffy doesn't fink you out, Billy should take the rap for you."'zoid

"I got five bucks that says Jeffy starts crying before he even figures out which one of them is in trouble."Helder

"Mom! Get Billy in here! PJ can't mix a Manhattan worth shit!"Tonton Macoute

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