DFC #496

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Fuck. I guess you get Thel for the weekend."Jub Jub Boy

"Yup, just like last night. Missed the fucking hole again."tupid

"Crap! Bob...would you mind bending over...and picking up my ball? C'mon baby, oh yeah, sweet lord... Every once-in-a-while, Bil got what he need to make it a little further.anon

"Nice butt. Er, putt. No, wait, butt."K-Man

"I fucking hate playing when Uri Geller's right behind." Crazy Climber

Bil's last, desperate hope of being dragged away to a magical cartoon land faded away.Lots42@aol.com (wow: obscure)

"Must be contract renegotiation time for Not Me again."Heath

So anyway, Thelma's claiming "headaches" again, and I'm thinkin' I'm this close to just going ahead and doin' her in her sleep when- aw SHIT!"Anonymous

"Ahem. I'm going for 500, too!"Heath

"It's been happening ever since I questioned the existence of God in one of my strips. Thel's come up with a few "rational" explanations, but I just think it's Him being an asshole."Pete B.

Shit. There goes Dolly. Tell you what: how about I put up Jeffy against a bottle of Jack Daniels on the next hole?Weaselboy

"You're right, Murray. Golf isn't the same with a hockey stick."K-Man [This one's for you, hockeyfag =)]

"Whoopsies! There goes the ball....around the hole...down the green....stops at the water hazard to play...jumps over the fence a few times...pets Mrs. Haeberlein's dog...plays army with Butchy Patrick...runs down the block...peeks in Mrs. McCloat's window...runs back up the block...lays down on the grass to watch clouds...jumps back over the fence...up the green...aaaa-nd drops into the hole for a birdie!" Nichols vowed never to take Bil up on his offer for "a few quick holes" again.Stan Xhiao

Helen, that's God's way of telling you to lose weight.Nethicus

"'Tie a black ribbon to your golf ball.' he said. 'It will bring you good luck.' he said..."Magus (please let me hit at least ONE)

"Yeah, right THANKS, Chuck, with your half-open fly, your club sticking up, your goddamn lipstick ..."anon

"Dammit Dalai, don't change the laws of physics when I'm putting!"Torc.

"Should my ball be spitting tobacco like that?"semillama

Heh. Curse hasn't worn off yet. Get I better go buy an anniversary card for the old witch.Horselover Fat

"That's right, Taki. You're going to be so fucking solly, what with my putter jammed in your fucking skull."Mike (Hang Lose. Choking back tears)

Alright, who shifted the gravitational constantof the Universe?! Was it you Gomez? Goddamn wetbacks and their powers over Creation.Jenn "And for the rest of her life, Jenn got up before dawn, and watched the DFC rise" Dolari

"Damn the Dark Side of the Force! She is a fickle mistress!"Riff

"Well, fuck. Alright then, you win. The DFC gets to stay up."BA (hey, a guy can dream, can't he?)

It's the least I could do, seeing that I probably killed your whole fucking family in Nam.ccit

DFC Fun Fact #5,402: The original caption to this Family Circus cartoon was actually the shortest in Bil Keane's career: "FUCK!"anon

"That's it, into the hole, mommy. Open up! Mommy? Mommy!" The caddies hated golfing with Bil.Bad Girl

Can't you claim this green for China after I'm through putting?Bad Girl

I tell you what, that dang old golfball, man, just go curvin' ever WHICH way, man, dang old hole...too small, man. Whoo!BadGrrl

"Scott Adams makes how much???"Helder

"Anytime you wanna help me out and kick it into the hole, Jose...or do I need to place a call to INS like I did for your cousin?"Anon

"I should have known you were full of shit, Chan. Jesus would never have used a 9-iron!"Helder

"You know, this retirement isn't so bad. I barely even remember where I buried the bodies anymore."Helder

Damn! First time in months I'm sober, and the #@$% ball is pissed!Ratman

In this hilarious scene from Honey, I Shrunk The Melons, Bil misreads the break and three-putts Billy.Podbeing

"So you see, Xhiao, I really hated to drop the hammer on those kids FUCK GODDAMN SHIT DOWN MY FUCKING WHORE MOTHER'S SPERM-SOAKED THROAT GODDAMNIT but my legendary patience, goodwill and Christian GET IN THE SHIT FUCKING HOLE GODDAMN RATFUCK BASTARD BALL forgiveness have their limits."Stan Xhiao

"Ha! Now I'm beating you 176 to 34! There's no way you'll catch up to me on the back nine!"Heath

"I can't seem to focus. Next time can we at least go to a grayscale course?"Torc.

"Dammit dad, I said I'd visit your grave after a couple holes of golf."Helder

"Dammit Billy, stop screwing around and draw me a hole-in-one."Helder

Unbeknownst to Bil, his golf partner had removed the South Magnetic Pole from its spot and upset not only his shot, but all the birds' migration patterns. Well, let me rephrase that. Bil did know that his golf partner screwed up his putt and the reasons behind it were beyond his level of reasoning. It was time to bring out Mister Smashy.the Shagman (i had a dream like this once)

"Dammit! Caddy! Give me your other eye!"phil

"Dammit, this was so much easier with the windmill."Helder

"Stop giggling! It's called foreplay, you idiot! You tease the hole before barging right in!"JoeBurgher

I always have trouble with the short putts... Oh, quit laughing, it's not like you should know Yiddish in the first place.Gen. Sedgwick

"Will somebody go downstairs and tell those damn Katzenjammer Kids to settle their fat asses down?"Helder

"...and then I did a strip for PACFLEET's Yank magazine called 'At Ease With The Japanese'...perhaps you've seen it?"Stan Xhiao

"Look, you shouldn't think of caddying for your old dad as demeaning...you should just see what I make my white kids do!"Stan Xhiao

Dammit! I can't keep my damn thoughts straight! Billy, get a crayon out of my bag and write Golf Course on that flag, will ya?"Flan! (salvaging Coalcracker (self salvaging (salvaging Heath)) *whew!*)

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