DFC #498

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"No, YOU the man, bro!"Hang Lose

"Love the goatee, dude."agtorange

I looked on with wonder as Billy grabbed his zipper ... revealing the message across Bil's chest reading "I (heart) my family". And it was as if they'd fallen in love all over again. Thank you, Dollar Dungeon Tattoo Parlor -- With Love, Thelma KeaneRiff

Billy learns about a father's forbidden love in It's Our Little Secret, Charlie Brown.awkwardone

"Of all the drunken, untalented pedophiles I know, I love you best!"Heath

Hey! Whats this on yer shirt? *flick!* Dumb-ass...Doc Evil

"Okay, now it's your turn. Truth or...oh, who am I kidding? Dare!"Heath

"For old times sake, Dad, one last time...PULL MY FINGER!"Keith Reilly, the artist formerly known as K-Man

"You were in 'Nam?" -Seven hours later, Billy decided that it would be best never to mention 'Nam again, as Bil was still on the shed.Bob Scott

But wait... if you're standing up... what am I "riding?"Vitriol

Well, the first clue was the pennant that said "My lap, 7:00."Bad Girl

"Sure she was better, but you gargled!"Torc.

And then, the tubes eminating from the tops of their heads connected, and they began sharing their day's experiences with each other. It clearly created a close bond between them, but it never stopped creeping the shit out of me.Pete B.

"...and I had the weirdest dream last night. We were all in it, but so was some guy named Roy, a psychic fern, a tent, something called 'dikplay' and a guy named Ihknato or Inknahto or something...."Dvandom

"Whoa! You've been into my Flintstones chewable viagra, haven't you, big boy?"agtorange (King sucks at 200psi)

Does it feel good when I touch your here?....It does, doesn't it?The EXXXorcist

"Dad, we've had some great times over the years. The card games, the booze, the sex, all priceless. However, I've been talking with Dolly. And I too, would like to say this while I'm young. Fuck you."Billy Keane

And when I grow up, I wanna be a drunken, talentless hack whose cloying sentimentality is considered "cute" by grandmothers, Evangelicals, and very slow thinkers everywhere. Just like YOU, Bil! Heh-heh... right, Billy. "When you grow up...." Heh.Gaijin Marty

Hey, 'member that time you was up on the shed and I thought my hands were made outta wood? That was the bestest acid ever!Gaijin Marty

"You know, maybe ish just the booze talking, but damn you're hot."BA

You know those words that lose their meaning when you say them repeatedly? Well, dandling is one of them.NME--

"All the solo panels after #500 are mine? Wow dad, you're the greatest."Helder

"You know what, Dad? I love you, and when I grow up I want to be just like... like.... PFFFFT! Bwahahaha! Oh, man, I wish you coulda seen the look on your face..."Sean Q

"So, if you let that chin hair grow down to here, you'll be a REAL beatnik?"kcho

Hey... Hey! You're aging! You're aging! Mommy, come quick! Daddy's aging!Ethanol

You were right, Mommy. I told Daddy I love him and he seems to have gone catatonic.Anastasia

"You're shittin' me... you knew we poured bleach in your vodka, and you drank it anyway? Dude, that is just fuckin' sick! Hey, Thel, get a load o' this..."Generik

This is the first time you've ever drawn yourself smiling! Are you on prozac, or did you get some last night?agm

So, what's mom really like in the sack?Yakko

"Pect implants?"Torc.

"I know you're wasted and all, but won't we get in just as much trouble if I drive to pick up that pack of smokes?"Hang Lose

My foreskin! You didn't throw it away!megafrim

"Don't worry about her, keep going. She said her fantasy is to watch from us secretly from the closet a little while so she could get all worked up, then she will 'accidentally stumble in' and join us."Augmented

Transylvania 6-5000? Just what th' FUCK were you thinking, Mr. Begley?Doc Evil

"...and by the time you get to Z, she'll be putty in your hands. Any time you need advice, Dad, just ask."Sean Q

God, you must've been wasted. And that panel with the pizza! What was up with that?Bad Girl

After the "Vulcan Mind Meld" failed, Billy tried the "Vulcan Nerve Pinch." When even that didn't get Bil's attention, he had to resort to the seldom-used "Vulcan Knuckle Sandwich."somnambulist salvaging Die Fledermaus

That was great! Tell me about the equator-crossing ceremony again!Coalcracker

"'An member when that guy yelled at me for dropping the ball, an' you yelled back and told him to shut the fuck up, an' then his wife started mouthing off to you, an' then you said Now see here, bitch! and grabbed her hair an' then you smacked him in the head with the gin bottle an' then . . . ."Hang Lose

"So you cancelled Star Trek?"'zoid

"Guess whose mugshot made the school paper?"Heath

The now infamous "Billy tries to tune in Venezuelan radio" strip, which eventually led to Billy's inevitable and long awaited demise.JAZSpaz

"I know, I know. To ride another minute, insert another quarter into horsey's pants."Ken

"The sexual innuendo just writes itself some days."Helder

"C'mon dad, you know I'm your biggest fan. I wouldn't be where I am right now without you. So whadda ya say? Take off the shirt."Helder

"Congratulations dad, you don't have the scent of dismal failure today ... as much."Helder

"I checked with my teachers today, and none of them have ever heard of Proctoberfest."Ken

"That was sweet, dad. Now let me explain where babies really come from."Helder

"Cool! Tell another lie, tell another lie!"El Caballero

"Four vodka martinis, two bottles of Cisco, and a pint of rubbing alcohol." - Billy wins this week's Guess What Daddy Just DrankPat

"So that's all that's left of Jeffy? Aw, this is the best birthday ever!"Bob "Loud beeping" Scott

"Teacher says you don't have to come to Career Day until you get one."crispy

A father, his awe-struck son, his adoring wife and always, just out of the panel, the eggbeater and the jar of ether: Bil thought, this is how I want to remember everything, and were it not for Early Onset Alzheimer's, uh -- where am -- what the fuck is UP with this thalidomide freak in my lap?authorized caption

"Aaawww fuggit, I'm shloshed! You drive! I keep missun the tip o' my nose."Torc.

"I cleaned out some space in the attic, and I started with that gnarly old picture, Mr. Gray."Heath

"I think that's a great idea, Dad! Remind me to get Cuthbertson to up my dosage."Stan Xhiao

"Rehab is for quitters, right, Dad?"Stan Xhiao

So we shouted "Open up, Mommy!" And she came running out naked!Bad Girl

"What is that? Some type of charm against women, success and money?"El Caballero

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