DFC #55

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Geez, why won't this erection go away?Jon Davidson

"OK, Mom, I'll give him back the pizza, but I don't think he wants it. He's still rolling around on the ground holding his crotch."anon

"See ya' later, Mom! I'm off to rehearse for the school play our class wrote... it's a cross between Mystic Pizza and Misery. Hope Ms. Phelps has strong kneecaps."anon

Let's see those fuckos Cathy, Dilbert and the Lockhorns try to stiff me on a tip this time when I make deliveries tonight!Kurt S.

Mom! I'm gonna go feed some pigeons!anon

Monica likes to sit on this while she watches me eat pizza nude. Crazy bitch.anon

"When I asked him why our pizza was late, all he would say was 'pizza,pizza' , so I bashed,bashed his head,head with my bat,bat!!"Bozo

...I need it for 3rd base. I was using a pair of your panties for 3rd, but everybody kept trying to slide face first into them.The Unmasked Revenger

A little snack for umpire Marchello...we're sure to win today's game.The Unmasked Revenger

Hey! Looting makes a guy hungry!RBByrnes

You just don't get it, do you, ma? That Pocahontas coloring book a few cartoons ago...and now this pizza...it's not about holding the box flat so the pizza doesn't get fucked up. That doesn't fuckin' matter. I don't care about the pizza. I care about Product Placement. They gotta be able to READ THE LABEL. You hear me? Product Placement. That's what's gonna give us the cash to get the fuck outta this dead-end strip and buy us up a spot in the Three-Panels. And if you fuck with me, you're gonna wind up in Mary Worth or Apartment 3-G.zed

I'll be outside beating myself to death to avoid any more of those stupid "Dolly, Memoirs" gags.anon, Memoirs

I've found that beating the delivery boy about the head and shoulders makes 'em forget those tips real fast.anon

I'm gonna lure Arbuckle's cat out of the house and just pound the shit out of him!Potomous

Can't even be bothered to draw both nostrils on me, but a fuckin' pizza box gets loving attention to detail. That's it, I'm off to Dad's studio to express my appreciation. Paul Roub

Claiming to need a "home plate," Billy manages to walk out the door with enough kiddie-porn to put his father away for a very, very long time.Blake

Man, old Mr. Wilson was no contest at all...kinda takes the pleasure out of mugging.Toade

...And then when i'm done i put what's left of him in the pizza box and deliver it to his wife's doorstep. Pretty neat, huh.No Hope

Oh, it's just a little game I've come up with to add some interest to my delivery route. I hand the pizza to them sideways, and just stand there with the bat smiling, daring them to say something. Man, those looks I get are better than any tip!MechaGumby

What? No, I'm just going to go throw this empty box out and then go play some baseball. You're reading in way too much here. MechaGumby

Well, I figured that, since they won't deliver my pizza the way I ordered it, I'd just go down there and deliver them an ass-whipping. You want extra cheese?Kurt S.

That "drivers carry less than $20" stuff is total bullshit.anon

See, with a baseball bat, you're pizza's free no matter how quickly it gets here!Capt. phealy

"Got eats, got protection... Been real, you fuckers. Rot in Hell."Tim Harrod

Now all I have to do is cut a hole in the bottom of the box, make some witty comment about pepperoni and unzip my pants. Then, while Dolly's starin' at it, I whack her over the head with the bat and then it's party time!zed

You wouldn't believe the tips I get now when I carry this baseball bat with me!Nethicus

Never mind the coupon, Mom.anon

Using this pizza box as bait makes it so much easier to beat up those homeless people!studly

Mom! I'm going to go beat up the Vespucci kids again! I'll be back for dinner!Hans

I'm just going to pay a little visit to the sonofabitch who forgot my extra mushroomsanon

"Bil's only getting worse. The pizza might be the right size, but look what he did with this Crazy Bread!"Mister Sinister

Yup! Guaranteed delivery within six hours or else your pizza is cold!Riff

Dolly bet me I couldn't juggle a pizza, a bat and some dog shit, so I'm waiting for Barfy to do his thing so I can prove her wrong!Vincent Van Gopher

Well first, I'll show her the box and say "You've tried the rest, now try the best, babe." And if that doesn't work, I'll break her kneecaps!Riff

Do you think the readers will catch on ahat all I'm wearing below my waist are sneakers and leg warmers?Riff

When the Christian Coalition threatened a child pornography suit, for a brief while, we zealously covered all possible "naughty bits" with conveniently-placed objects.
-- Dolly, MemoirsRoy

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