DFC #60

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hmmmm...well, the moonshine caused you to lose your hearing but you didn't go blind. I guess it's okay to drink then!RBByrnes

Stop with the hand by the ear! I don't care HOW loud this shirt is... I @#*!#$ like it!RBByrnes

We can sell the dog to the Koreans, and throw the bodies in the lake, but we gotta scrape the decals off that damn hippie's love van.Monk n Treb

I was pretty impressed with all them fancy computer effects in 'Twister', but I still think that I can draw 'em better in black marker.anon

It's getting dark and you're just going to have to believe me on this one. Bears DO shit in the woods.Jadie

The background of this cartoon is black to protest the passage of the Telecommunications Reform Bill complete with the Communications Decency Act.Internet Blackout

I hate to hafta do this Billy but you should have never betrayed the Don. doofus

It looks like an old, abandoned summer camp although that doesn't explain the hockey mask we found.DMW

Soon they would understand the cryptic advice of the girl in the red hood.DMW

No I didn't say, "boy you sho' have a purdy mouth"...did you?zazu

...so I keep telling everyone that I'm not the coach from "White Shadow"!zazu

Keep away from the still, boy! Now get yer ass back to the shed and git some sleep! anon

We've learned an important lesson from this...never go back to make sure the fuse on a pipe bomb is still lit. Now quit whining about your hearing loss and help me look for my ring finger.Diggit

When you're lost in the woods, you start to get hungry for meat ... lots of meat ... any kind of meat ... hmmm ...Riff

Remember. Billy. Three leaves is poison ivy, but five leaves is about $50 an ounce!Riff

What does a point man do? He looks for trip wires, Billy!zazu

Don't spit at the background, honey. The ink will run and I promised I'd give the whole scene back to Tim Burton intact.Riff

What the fuck did I just step in? Oh hell! Billy, I think it's about time we got this whole "potty training" deal over with, don't you?Riff

Run, son! Now! The change is happening! Already my right hand is a hideous claw!Roy

Let's head back, Billy. If we get any further toward reality, I'll have to start drawing you with a smaller head.Riff

Enjoy your final moments, boy, because in a few seconds, we're all gonna be smothered by volcanic ash.Riff

...but when I really live on the edge I'll an ink wash for backgrounds and for detail stuff I'll use that medium nib Parker duofold! Now if I'm feeling REALLY spunky I'll pull out that sexy #2 quill pen that your...Hey are you listening to me? zazu

I'm not saying I approve of what you did, I just want you to know it was very mature of you to show me where you hid the body.MechaGumby

Last time I let that psycho bitch daughter of mine draw the cartoon. Suddenly we've gone from Suburbia to the Lorraine badlands of 1916.Nethicus

Billy, today Daddy's going to teach you something he learned in the Navy.brian duchossois

It's all very well and good to confess to a serial killing, Billy. All sorts of wackos confess. But if you are really the one, you ought to be able to lead me to the bodies, and so far it's all pinecones and squirrel shit.The Sandman

All I hear is bitch, bitch bitch about all white backgrounds. Now you want an ear too. Jesus! There's no satisfying you ungrateful shits. anon

When I was your age my father took me on a wilderness trip just like this, it was on that trip that I learned what it feels like to kill a man.Nat Fairbanks

"...Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Now how's it feel you little fucker?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Just keep marching you little pain in the ass!You'll know when we get there.I craved your name on a god-damn headstone!Are we there yet?Are we there yet?...."Bill

Oh, crap! Quick! Think of something witty and/or disgusting to say! Looks like we've got some competition from that "Dysfunctional Life" thing.Craig

...just a little further into these woods. Anyway, as I was saying, money's real tight and we can't afford to keep all of you kids...John the Rapscallion

And I'll box your other ear too if you don't watch out!--Tom

See? I told you that Transylvania would be more fun than Disneyworld!--Tom

Welcome to 'fashion wasteland', my son.--Tom

And by the time Mommy and Dolly wake to find us missing in the tent, we'll be half way to Tijuana and hundreds of cheap whores!--Tom

Great pumpkin, my ass. Did that van Pelt kid give you drugs again?The Lawyer

Yes, you can hear the chants of the coven. As soon as we get there, you get to lay on the altar. Doesn't that sound exciting?The Lawyer

Following Mommy's instructions, Billy led Daddy into the dark woods. Young Billy was looking forward to hearing the sharp "CRACK" of the baseball bat on Daddy's skull, and the soft squishing sound as the bat emptied the skull of its contents.Tony the Pigeon

I'm sorry, Billy, I know it's dark, but I told you, I ran out of ink, it was deadline, and I had to fill in the background with a Magic Marker..GroundFault

I told you not to put poison ivy in your ear! Now for Chrissakes quit whining!GroundFault

No, Billy, I can't hear the highway. No, goddammit, we're not lost!GroundFault

Damn! I can still hear your mother and Dolly hollering. We'd better go back and pack a few more feet of dirt on top of that box!kafka

Come on Billy, I thought you realized why these are ALL MALE retreats, did you think gay porn grew on trees?Mingus

I didn't mean to hit you, Billy...You just interrupted daddy's "private time"...Jay Clark

Yep, I remember back when I was in college, son...it was Hell night for us Alpha Tau Delta pledges...they took us out in the middle of woods just like this, made us bite the heads off of rats, do a beer bong, and then every other guy in the frat cornholed us... Man, I miss college...zed

Keep listening, son. Last thing I need is for some whacked out hunter mistaking me for a moose again!RBByrnes

I am _not_ being a "manipulative pederast"!! We really _are_ lost in the woods, and we really _do_ need to huddle up for warmth!!Vice Pope Doug

Keep your ears covered until PJ finishes screaming. He was the youngest and slowest. I had to leave him for the wolves .....Vice Pope Doug

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