DFC #68

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Got it while gramps was sleeping -- Should net about $30. Got $50 for his teeth last weekanon

...so after I got the coffin open and had the watch, I noticed I had ripped his entire wrist off with it. I've gotten most of the flesh cleaned off, but there is still a little gunk in the cracks...issachar

Hey, look at what I just pulled out of the pipe on the back of my head!SpinnWebe (another previous favorite)

So you see, Dolly, each minute here on Earth is like 100 years in Hell for Grandpa.Bob Schmalfeldt

Geez...it took almost two hours for Grandpa to stop frantically scratching from behind the wall. I guess I win the bet about how much air there was in there!RBByrnes

Gramma said she'd give me this if I'd stop making cracks about her hair.The Outsider

They say time flies when you're having fun. What does it mean when it stops cold?DMW

Don't look now, but that dumb, perverted old fart put the light on behind his two-way mirror again. Shall we do something shocking?Dofang

"Okay...I found this watch, and some cash...and there's a room down the hall full of `Sea Hunt' memorabilia -- that might be worth something. But there's not much...just lotsa pictures of him and Jeff and Beau...who'd've figured Lloyd Bridges would have such a boring house?"zede

"O.K., we got the watch. Now you grab grampa's picture and we'll have two of the items on Dad's scavenger-hunt list. Now all we need is a dime bag, a fifth of crack, and a stroke mag. and we'll win!"The Aggie

I'm setting it to go off three hours after we leave. Then there'll be two pictures on the memorial mantlepiece!"The Sandman

"...and when I stuck the .357 in the sucker's ribs, that's when he pissed his pants. Man, I almost shit a brick! Anyway, that's when I said, 'The Rolex, too, motherfucker...'"MASK

Time me. Five bucks says I can have Gramma crying so hard from grief 'bout Grampa that she retches within three minutes -- tops.Vice Pope Doug

"... up his ass for all those years... and then he gave it to me."anon

That damn Uri Geller. I watched him on TV, and his psychic power bent the watch instead of fixing it. And it's a Rolex! DAMN HIM!anon

Oh, Good Lord...yup, it's the exact date and time of his death and sure enough, Gramma's putting on her annual puppet show of Grampa's stroke...anon.

In a few minutes, the concrete should be hard enough. Now we just have to find a way of getting PJ to the lake.DMW

THis watch belonged to gramps, but the inscription on the back says Rudolph Hess.zazu

Twenty seconds closer to your death ... ten more seconds closer ... there - another hour closer to your death, Dolly. Better start enjoying your ephemeral existence while you can.Kittycat

I'm not sure why the sound of Grandpa's ticking watch freaks Grandma out so badly, although last night, as I was reading "The Telltale Heart", I developed a theory....Paul Roub

I dunno, Dolly. The watch Mom hustled Lady Bird out of is nice and all, but I really think this obsession with LBJ is getting pathological.Craig

Nah, the market for "Timex" bottomed out years ago. But if you get his gold teeth, I can move them in Denmark next week.Capt. phealy

A Timex! A FUCKIN' Timex! Rishmawy

There wasn't too much left when we dug up the old boy... I snagged the watch, PJ took the gold tooth, and Barfy ran off with his femur.ferret

"When they said Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer's, they weren't kidding! He gave me this watch and said, 'Now, Bonzo, I want you to take this to Jane Wyman for me!'"Dr. Demento

Of course it's real! See, right here on the dial it says, R-O-L-E-C-T-S. It's yours for ten bucks cash.The Lawyer

OK, the bedsprings stopped squeaking at... geez! Twenty seconds! No wonder mom's fooling around with the mailman!Kurt L.

Yes Alia, I will place thousands of these tiny sand trout against my skin. They will merge with my human body turning me into a giant mutant sand worm. Then I, Leto, will become God Emporer of Dune and control spice distribution for the entire galaxy!paTRICK heSTER

In just 11 more minutes that old fart will have been dead a whole year! If no one has found out that we offed him by now, I think we're in the clear.Meem

I was able to swipe this off his wrist when the old coot was in his casket.Chris

When he died, he wrote in his will that the skin of his penis should be made into this watchband. And he wanted you to have it!Riff

"And when Mom asks who pawned Grandpa's watch, you say 'Ida Know' and I'll say 'Not Me.' She thinks its adorable and chances are she'll let us keep the swag.Rockit but don't roonit

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