DFC #7

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

We wanted to see what PJ would look like Jewish. It didn't seem to hurt much.anon

Tommy from down the street said it was Hitler's other testicle.anon

"I tried to demonstrate Egyptian mummification techniques on Dolly, but this was all the brain matter I could get out with a grapefruit spoon. Explains a lot, doesn't it?"Paul T. Riddell

Mommy, Daddy says he needs a larger container for the blood letting phase of the ceremony.Rishmawy

You want me to fill this with WHAT ?????anon

I found your lower lip!anon

Mom, could you drop this off at the fertility clinic on your way out, oh and.. pick me up the new issue of Hustler, will ya? Pretty soon I'll have enough money for those Rollerblades!anon

Did you take all my crack? This thing was full just a week ago!Pagan

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the nuts in the crunchy peanut butter aren't supposed to move, are they?Tim Nolan

I don't see why Daddy can't use his own pee for his urine test.Blake

Air holes? I think you missed the point. I like to watch them die.Blake

OK, Mom. Take the RU-486, squat on this jar, and we're off to the pro-life rally.Roe V. Wade

The note said that if they don't get the 2 million tomorrow, they'll send Dolly's *other* nipple.Paul Roub

I don't care if you DO slice my face with your Freddy Kreuger glove, you still ain't gettin' my change jar, bitch!Craig

This tiny speck I give to you. It symbolizes the amount of love and attention you have given me over the years. Keep it bitterly, next to your heart.Trism

Wanna smell some of PJ's poop from last Christmas?anon

Bad news, Mom. Our customers want more crack and less vial.A DFC comedy classic

I know some parents like to save things like their kids' first baby teeth or first pair of shoes, but really Mom...my first turd?El Vez

Look! I told you I didn't need surgery - I did it myself!sunflower

PJ finally passed that balloon! You get the spoon and lighter, I'll get the Mighty Morphin tie off cord!pot fondue

Mommy, I made this turd 'specially for you.jk

It's Daddy's remaining sense of self-worth. I just bought it for 25 cents!anon

It's called "Lapthal-D," one tablespoon can supposedly level an entire building, and a four-year-old can synthesize it from seven common household chemicals. Is the Internet cool or what?!?Andy Ihnatko

I replaced your birth control pills with some of my candy last week as an April fool's joke... I kind of forgot about it til now... Anyway, April fool's...dirtboy

Gettin' the last two pints will be easy - he's woozy from blood loss.anon

I found Daddy's talent. Kinda explains why we're on food stamps.anon

"It's my pet arrow poison frog. If you'll give me power of attorney, I'll let you kiss it."Paul T. Riddell

This contains the entire collective brain mass of the people who keep captioning about excrement.Vy Rothko

Mommy, I found a puddle of this odd chemical in the basement and took a sample. I think this is the stuff that may have been causing the mutations in your right arm.Magus

"I need something for show and tell. When's your period?"Stinky-Poo

"I can't tell you why; I just need a jar of fertilizer and fuel oil."panicboy

. . . and so Dolly said "I can so drink an entire jar of paint thinner!" and I bet her she couldn't and well . . . I'm out five bucks, and somebody should really call an ambulance.Pete B.

Gee whiz, Mom, I can't throw out my whole fart collection!anon

Forget the jar; did you ever notice your boobs are a perfect porabola? PbYaga

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