DFC #73

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

That's the last time I get in line behind dad, he scarfed up all the wine again.Yakko

Yeah..Yeah, hell, schmell...what does he think I'm livin' in right now for cripes sake?!kafka

So nobody from Australia gets to go to Heaven?Jim Webster

Don't take it so hard, Dad. Some people just don't recognize true artistic genius. Personally, I thought that goatee you drew on the corpse was fucking hilarious!zazu

Let me get this straight. "INRI" doesn't stand for "I'm Nailed Right In"?zazu

..and what's up with that friggin' Rabbi? I thought Dad's redition of "Springtime For Hilter" was exceptional!zazu

How come it's OK to eat Jesus, but a sin to eat Billy?DFC Komedy Klassic

I still say this is the nicest piece of ass in the parish.Nethicus

How come everyone turned and looked at Daddy after the Reverend said, "Husbands, be faithful to your wife?"Keef

Jesus Christ nailed to a cross... Sarge says march and she's the boss... sound off.. ONE TWO sound off... THREE FOUR sound off... ONE TWO THREE FOUR ONE TWO THREEFOUR!paTRICK heSTER

Did you see all that money in the collection plate? When I grow up, I'm starting my own religion!anon

Billy managed to get our files from those bastard Scientologists! Fuck you, L. Ron!! See you in Hell!Andrew Holter Barbour

"You didn't really think they'd let you leave PJ on the doorstep, did you?"Mr. Clean

How come the Reverend gave Billy a NAMBLA pamphlet, but I didn't get nuthin?Paul Roub

Hurry up! We've got two more baptisms and a bris to get to before noon. This free food isn't just gonna eat itself, you know.Westur the Unspeakable

...well if they are so accepting, why do they keep publicly ridiculing Dad's alternative lifestyle?Rishmawy

Oh Boy, Snake bites! That takes care of "SHow an' Tell for next week!zazu

I dunno dad.I don't think "Lighting Farts" is enough to give up for lent!zazu

Well I happen to like the taste of communion wafers. So why can't I go up for a second helping?zazu

Man, if that sermon was only a quarter right, we're all in deep shit.Hans

I've never laughed so hard at a funeral before!Hans

I especially liked the part where he broke down crying and said "I have sinned against my god and my people." Hans

Dolly's protests were to no avail. Reverend Yokel's explanations of Disney's pandering to sodomites still rang in everyone's ears. Dolly's new Mickey Mouse watch would have to be placed in the church-sponsored bonfire that night.Mister Sinister

When I kick the bucket, I want a day-glo light show at the memorial, just like Dr. Leary had.Capt. phealy

OK, they were able to exercise the satanic spirit from Jeffy, but what about my stigmata? I've ruined three pairs of gloves this week.ferret

Daddy, this is fun. Get to smell the smoke, and ashes, and we get to be on national television!Low Confidence Boy

"So, if I understood correctly, Grampa's wayyyyyy down there."Tim Harrod

I asked High Priest if I could be the virgin sacrifice, but he said that Daddy had ruined my chances!Pope Rich

Dammit, why didn't you tell me that was a sin?DMW

Next time, let's sit in the back. That way there'll be more dough in the collection plate.DMW

We must be the only family who can break all ten commandments during the sermon.DMW

Daddy says this is God's house - and I just found God's porno mags in the reverend's office!Angus Og.

Daddy, why does the Priest always look at us when he mentions Satan?anon

Billy won't share the collection plate money with me!el Marko

I'm glad they gave us all a list of who's gonna burn in hell -- I was gettin' confused!Kurt L.

At best it's a poignant, self-deluded cry in the face of an indifferent cosmos, and at worst a horribly compromised participant in patriarchal hierarchy. But hell, I'll eat the pancakes.Horselover Fat

I think it's cool that they put Nike swooshes on the choir robes!Kurt L.

I never saw them baptize a baby in pig blood before! This is my kinda place!Kurt L.

It was EASY! Those rich fucks, the Van Pelts, were behind us and dumped in a wad o' cash, so when the stupid usher shoved the basket in fronta me, I scooped a handful o' Hamiltons, so brunch is on me, today...Orion the Hunter

Dad, does your not being able to show up drunk to church have anything to do with background quality improving on Sundays?anon

Great faith healer guys. Not only does my appendix still hurt, but now my arm is stuck like this.anon

How was I supposed to know that was the minister's wife next to me. I think she dislocated my shoulder.anon

Boy, I'm glad _that_ shit is over with for another six months!!Vice Pope Doug

Man, I could never get through somethin' like that if I wasn't so _baked_!Vice Pope Doug

It was cool! The Monsignor caught Father Riley beatin' off to my confession again!!Vice Pope Doug

Mommy, can someone go to Hell just for DFC captions?Vice Pope Doug

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