DFC #81

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"They were all out of the latest issue of 'Chicks with Dicks' so I got Dad a copy of 'Hustler' instead. And here's your box of crotchless panties. I'm making so many runs to the adult bookstore for you guys they're beginning to know me by name."The Aggie

Shit! The fucking goddamn bitch teacher says I have fucking asshole Tourret's Syndrome. Fuck! I woulda cut her fucking balls clean off if she had any! Ethelred

Don't complain to me, Quasimodo! If you wanna improve your posture, tell Bil to make the circles bigger!Phaze

These damn circles gettin' smaller, eh?a little man from another place

In Sunday School we learned 'bout the cleansing fires of Armageddon. Too bad you're gonna burn up in it! I'm all saved though, 'cause I signed my name in a comic book about Jesus!Vice Pope Doug

Mr. Martin says I give the *best* head in the whole class!!Karl F.

You look beat mommy. If you get me some Crisco and a cucumber I'll show you something that always relaxes me!King Pootie

Look at this printout, Mommy! The DFC accepted my caption!His Imperial Majesty

Mommy, I don't know how to tell you this, but the teacher was wiping the blackboard and accidentally erased Billy!John Atkinson

From the looks of you, I'm guessing we're out of booze, pills _and_ weed! Do I need to put a call in to Daddy's friend Roy?Vice Pope Doug

You look wiped, Mommy! Oh yeah .... phone repair, plumber _and_ TV repair today .... nevermind .... say no more!Vice Pope Doug

Today we learned the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasm. For five dollars, I'll tell you.Vice Pope Doug

Mom, I've got to ask. How come the door is ALWAYS different? Do you really think by changing the door we kids would be STUPID enough to think we have the wrong house?Anastasia

I forgot to tell you -- today's an in-service day. So how come the mailman's hanging upside-down from the ceiling naked?Kurt L.

I had fun at Daddy's Militia meeting! I drew a nuke blowing up the U.N. building!Frenchy the toad swallower

What yah hiding behind the door Mommy, It"s not one of those little surprises again is it? Please don't let it be another little supprise!D.E. Mac

We had sex education today and I got to be the live model.Tazabby

As Thelma watched her loud-mouthed, melon-headed daughter start to walk into the house something snapped... and she couldn't stop herself from repeatedly slamming the door against Dolly's face.Tazabby

Well, today I made $100! Thanks for that tip about Mr. Mitchell and his leather fetish.Mo Cowan

The Brits call it "gobbing." How do you like my range?Dofang

And then Calvin just went beserk screaming "You can't retire me you bastard, I'll kill you all!" then he shot the principle, 5 teachers and that Suzy girl. And thats why we got sent home early - cool eh?Yakko

Lemme guess..you're invited to a costume party and you're goin' as a fashion risk.zazu

..first it was the tape on the liquor bottles. Now it's mousetraps in your crack stash...Oh man are you askin' for it!zazu

Ick, mom! That Laura Petrie look would go over a lot better without those velcro-strap sneakers!Dofang

Okay! It took all afternoon but I stapled your "Billy's Very Sensitive About His Bed-Wetting Problem, So Please Don't Pick On Him" handbill on every telephone pole around school. But you know, I still say this could backfire...Rotter

Damn it Mom! You've either got to feed PJ with a bottle or start wearing breast pads! trickster

What a party! 4 straight days and I'm the first to go home! by the way, Johnny's parents are giving you the carpet cleaning bill, Jeffy drank a little too much.Fanny

Here are the pictures of you and the mailman. Negatives are extra.Zebra

"Well, that explains why there's about seven `FASHION POLICE' squad cars out front. You'd better shut the door and get down on the floor."zeddux

Mom? Mom? Have you moved since I left this morning?Dofang

Damn it, mother, I told you these brass knuckles you got were too big for me! I was so distraught I drew you a nuclear holocaust as a tortured symbol of my inner pain.Dofang

Y'know, if you got a breast reduction you could probably stand up straight again.jerright

Another nude drawing of Daddy, another NEA grant. Damn, I love this country.ferret

"Sorry, mom, the bus driver said he's already got a mistress."Matt

I think once you see these pictures of your little "indiscretion" you'll change your mind about that ice cream cone!Yakko

Suzy's mother sent me home. We were just playing house and she got mad and said something about not wanting to expose HER daughter to alternative lifestyles.gaia

This time, I didn't just snip their T1 pipe...I trashed their whole phone closet and swiped all their records! So we'll have at least a whole weekend without those damned DFC posts!Rotter

So you spent another whole day in here? No wonder you popping Prozac like candy.Zebra

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