DFC #9

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Don't worry, son. Umps wear protective cups for that reason. I'm sure he won't file charges..."Wes Flinn

Keep your chin up, son. I'm sure you'll find another boyfriend like Jimmy in no time.Amber Dowlin

Just because you suck at baseball doesn't mean that I don't love you... it just means that I love you less.Dave from Selected Hilarity

I'd like to tell you that it wasn't your fault that your team lost. I'd like to, but it IS your fault. What can I say? You sure as Hell are not my son, loser.Moondog

Don't take it so hard, sport. I'm sure even major leaguers sometimes shit their pants when sliding into second base.anon

I am sorry. You are too young to sit on my lap. Besides, I am drunker than a son-of-a-bitch!anon

You're forgetting the inning you got on base after being hit in the neck by that fastball! I'm sure your teammates appreciated that. Lord knows I cheered...Andy Ihnatko

Yes, you did play poorly, but for fun, I'll just unbuckle your seat belt now and we'll race through traffic until I feel better.RobbyR

So we'll buy you a cup for next week's game. Cheer up! You won't need to really use your 'thing' for 10 years.Harry G

I can't believe you lost by that much! What a bunch of sissies!anon

I know you feel bad now son, but throwing the game made ol' dad a buttload of cash!Mikael Behrens

You see, in prison you'll be what's known as a "bitch"....anon

Son, how many times do I have to tell you!? My father was a loser, I'm a loser, you're a loser. It's as simple as that.Rishmawy

Wipe the frown off your face. We'll tell mom the brown stain on your pants is from sliding in to home.Yoman

Now remember Billy, if I buy you an ice cream cone, you're not going to tell Mommy how you got splinters in your rectum.Ken D.

This'll teach the bastards not to bench my kid. Hang on Billy!zazu

Billy, you ever seen a grown man naked?Tim

You didn't lose because you can't hit the ball -- you lost cuz you throw like a girl!anon

"'Stick it where the sun don't shine' is just an expression, son. Now, get that thing away from my face."anon

...and I'm sick of hearing you whine about it. You don't hear ME complain when I get up and go to work every fuckin' morning with a hangover, do you?Craig

Because I don't offer pitch missing, sissy, ragarm whiners a Lifesaver, that's why.Iceman

"...and then, when that girl got you in the headlock, and started tweaking your nose? Damn, I thought I was gonna shit! Hohoho..."John Hopkin

Son, if God had wanted you to catch that ball, you would have. It's that simple. So the question is not "Why did I botch that pop fly", but "What have I done to make God angry?" You haven't been touching yourself again, have you?Pete B.

You may have lost, but your team looked good out there. Damn good. Especially your pitcher. Good fastball, nice perky buttocks . . . what was that boy's name again?Pete B.

Angry, son? Let me teach you a little trick I used to do when I was a kid. I believe nowadays it's called "felonious vandalism..." But that makes it even more fun.Vy Rothko

"Trust me, son. You just whack the cashier with the bat while I grab the cash." C.Winstead

I can probably hit better than you, and I don't even have any goddamn eyes!jade

...just because your team lost to the Catholic girls slow-pitch under-10's doesn't mean it's the end of the world, son! - (snicker)GM

Don't let it bother ya, son! A couple of hours at the turkish baths and you'll be as right as rain!zazu

Shit, did you see that hot lookin' bitch in the bleachers with the 40d's and cutoffs? anon

So the coach said he doesn't have a uniform for Dolly, but she might as well take yours.Blake

Don't cry, Billy. I didn't *mean* to hit Grandma. It's just that I can't see a damned thing through these glasses.Lord G

So your team is the only team in the history of comics to be shut out by Charlie Brown. Buck up, laddo! You're in the history books!Lord G

Heh, heh...cheer up, son. Just because you lost the home run derby to a girl doesn't mean you're any less of a man. It just means that I can never respect you again.Lord G

Yeah, that little episode was emabarrassing an' you'll be emotionally scarred for life. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna put it in my strip!zazu

You looked like a monkey fucking a football out there. What were you thinking?anon

Billy..Take off your selt-belt..I want to see if the air bag is fixed!anon

Hey butterfingers, why not make yourself useful and fetch me another beer outta the back seat!anon

Yeah, it's against the law to drive 60 in town ... then again, so's sodomy.Trism

Its OK son, don't feel guilty. So your dear ole' dad has to console himself with a bottle of whiskey because his son's a fucking loser.kafka

Don't worry Billy, none of the other drivers can tell that neither of us have pants on.Redheadsuckah

Look, Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third .... Get it?!Gary Freeman

Back to the DFC Archive index