DFC #93

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

...so I grab Dad's shotgun and run after the bastard.Damn, Jehovah's witnesses sure can run fast!!Nicodemius

Tastes like ... I-95 ... southbound ... Goodyear Aquatread ... two days old ... definitely a mammal ...DMW

It's a good thing we've been building up our tolerance for arsenic. She's dumped enough in this meal to kill a horse!anon

"Y'know, a double shot of Johnnie Walker, and this crap don't taste half bad!"Mr. Clean

NAMBLA pull bodybag floss finger vibrator pimp bomb fucking abuse me skanky patricide, soylent dead cokehead barf 'n eat. --There, the whole DFC crossword puzzle!Ethelred

So if you have no forehead, protruding prehensile jaw, and hair growing under your ears, it proves you are a neanderthal. But that's alright, you'll only be dimly aware that everyone on the planet is smarter than you.Ethelred

Dolly had long ago learned the art of painting fake eyes on her eyelids and arched eyebrows, in order to catch up on her sleep while the little bastard outlined his plans to gas all adults.Ethelred

I think those steroids Mom put in the meatloaf are taking effect. Wanna arm wrestle?Tazabby

As Jeffy droned on and on, Dolly could only think one thing: This is the man whose child she would soon bear?Polaris

You just watch -- just because they can't see my arm, half of 'em are gonna submit "missing arm" jokes! You watch! What a bunch of lemmings!Kurt L.

I dunno either... I think there was some kind of cheese in it, but besides that it's a mystery to me, too.Kurt L.

"...And that's how I did my first train. How 'bout you?"Mr. Clean

Losing the arm was nothing, now losing the teeth - there's a story for you!Yakko

Hey look, my first pubic hair!anon

You know what's the worst part about the Donner party? They didn't get to use silverware and a table like we do!Don Spudleone

Yeah, but you're missing the whole point. If you take their clothes too, then they can't chase you! Got it?zazu

Dolly had thought having Billy channel Granpa's spirit would be a blast, until he started rattling on endlessly about his glory days as a CPA.MechaGumby

...so then I went ahead and sold my neck to the Devil! You get all of the Unearthly Powers(tm) on a 30-day trial basis, plus, if you decide after one month that you want to keep your Unearthly Powers(tm), you only have to pay your soul, and you get your neck back!The Outsider

So you see, having a single arm attached to your breastbone is much better than two at the shoulders.Ed Scurgow

By the way, I got the dirt on that Susie bitch for you. It's too sick to repeat. Let's just say if you play your cards right, you can be a very rich young woman.Anastasia

See Dolly? I told you my psychology experiment in paranoia research would work.Anastasia

Yeah, I know she's a sperm-burping gutter slut, but you gotta admit...she makes one helluva pot roast!kafka

Yes, Dolly-Chan. Grab the little line from my palm, and you will finally have completed your samurai training.The Tedfed

Personally, I prefer a third interpretation, "the glass is too big."Straz

"NO, NO, NO, you be Erik and I'll be Lyle but we have to wait until they're watching TV."John E. Dollar

Man, was that meal ever white! I think it was our whitest meal yet!Rotter

Generic DFC Caption #100 - If you ask me Barfy tasted much better than the Soylent Green!Yakko

Mom has pubic hair, so does Dad, so I figure we must be adopted.lefty

As Billy droned on about the Joy of living in the Light of Jesus Christ, Dolly and his mother both longed for the days when he'd come home coked out of his gourd with a groupie on each arm.Vice Pope Doug

I think dinner is always more entertaining when we have MD40/40 at the ready.Don Spudleone

I couldn't possibly be kicking you under the table. We're mutants, remember? My legs won't reach that far.Anastasia

This is sooooo Tarantino. I could easily cripple you with a gutshot, but in the time it takes me do that, Mom would air condition my head.Scott Goodrich

As Billy kept on rambling, Dolly could not keep her eyes of sickening, yet fascinating, sight of her brother's maformed stump dangling in the milk glass.Zebra

Wait! You haven't heard the best part! They said you could grow hair on your hands!!MOSTLY MOM

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