DFC #96

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

For the hundredth time: it tastes bad because it's wax!Kurt L.

Jeffy, we've got to get your hearing checked! Daddy's friend Roy did NOT say he wanted YOU to see the "horn with fruit in the other room" -- he said, "I'm a horny mother for your Fruit of the Looms!"Vice Pope Doug

They got it out of the latest Adam & Eve catalog. They call it "Mother Nature's Pleasure Screw" or something. Vibrates like a fuckin' Harley.CedricFox

He said it's for decoration only. Leave it to Dad to find new, insidious ways to torture his emaciated children.Keef

No, not 'cuz it's got corn in it, it's called a corny-copia 'cuz it's fuckin' corny!Roy

When you turn six, all of this material will be inserted, deep, deep, deep inside you. We've all had to go through it.anon

Lucky for us that this Shai-Hulud is a vegetarian, Paul!Halaq

Believe it or not, the whole thing is made out of pipe cleaners and Spam. Mom's had way too much free time since Dad met "Lance."polaris

"Wanna get into the Red Asterisk? Ask me if this'll fit up yer ass."Mr. Clean

"Eat every damn bit of it, or I'll tell Mom who switched the KY and the Super Glue!"Mr. Clean

It'd be nice to have a mouth to eat it with, huh ? HAHAHAHAHA!Toothpick Vic Vega

This is left over from when Daddy was dressing like Carmen Miranda.Mo Cowan

...and whenever you bite into a fruit or vegetable it silently screams in pain and agony.Tazabby

So you see, all the food Mommy ever makes for us comes from this vomiting seashell. munkihed

Dad's started drawing subliminal naked women in his cartoons. How many can you find?Yakko

Yeah, Mom's subscription to Martha Stewart Living started this month. I give it about three seconds longer than her NordicTrak phase.Rotter

daddy has one of these........but it doesnt have FOOD in itrob

Like the Christmass tree, the pumpkin, the easter egg and the cross, this is just another fertility symbol that Christians ripped off from the pagans. So history confirms it. Might _does_ make right. Now, give me that taffy before I twist your arm off.Jalapeno Babe

Ribbed -- for her pleasure.Don Spudleone

Now the cornucopia, the model we have here, costs $11.95. The pharmacopia, our Cadillac of the copias, costs $1195.00. It's located on the next table.anon

..and this is what your colon looks like just after eating a large mealzazu

Dad's real good at drawing vegetables. Just look at Grandma!zazu

..and the Horn o' Plenty symbolizes the bounty and given to us by the Indians before we beat the living shit out them.t zazu

'What a beautiful centerpiece?' I can't believe I'm related to you. The proper thing to say is 'What a piece of crap! Let's burn it!'Cheezo

Care to wager on whether or not an I.U.D. caption passes muster?zazu

..and from corn we get popcorn, creamed corn, corn oil, animal feed and something mommy calls Mr. Bumpy!zazu

I didn't know Madonna's tits were full of this shit!Evil Ed

Don't even bother trying. It's wax. Mommy and Daddy put it out to torment us while they starve us to death.The Outsider

As you can see, I've used my demonic powers to open a dimensional vortex into the Plane of Fruits and Vegetables. Now give me your allowance, or I'll let it suck you in.anon

You may find the cornucopia fascinating, but, personally, I'm more concerned about the featureless void that's coming in behind me to annihilate us all.The Outsider

Not only do we only have one piece of furniture, but it's only one foot off the ground, and there's some stupid decoration on it.The Outsider

It's the female version of a phallic symbol.Yakko

Guess who got a book of public-domain clip art for his birthday last week?Rotter

If you make even one gratuitous, DFC-style sex toy joke, I'll kick your sorry little butt. Got it?Vice Pope Doug

...And all of a sudden, this wormhole came out of the great white void and started spewing mutant veg'ables onto this legless table.knuckles

Daddy's friend Roy did it. He calls it "Ode to the Forgotten Agricultural Saviors of Our Time". That's Roy you hear in the other room, weeping artistically.Vice Pope Doug

Quick! Jeffy! Run for cover! It's another "Cornocopia and Horn of Plenty" caption stampede!Magus

It's my finest work yet. I call it, "Grandpa's Last Bowel Movement"anon

The note says: You can live on this food until it runs out. After that, you're on your own. Do not attempt to open any doors or windows. The house is wired to explode if anything is tampered with. Without love, Mommy, Daddy, Billy and P.J.Magus

This is the new marketing plan for our low grade coke--mold it into the shapes of familiar, colorful legumes. Ethelred

OK, little militia-man, can you spot the plastic explosive? Ethelred

You expect me to do WHAT with this? Jeffy, you don't have that kind of money.Anastasia

...and we celebrated Christmas just a few weeks ago. Not only are we mutants, but we're living backwards in time.Anastasia

Hey, guess what? Guiness called. They said we won the world record for the tackiest crap!Ted the Jedi Knight

It's supposed to be a stylized representation of a uterus, but I don't really know why. All that ever comes out of Mommy's is kids and blood.The Lawyer

...and so, with the mythical cornucopia, or "Horn of Plenty," and its never-ending supply of corn and grapes, you could have the runs for the rest of your life.anon

The sandworms cannot digest vegetables, Baron Harkonin.The Sandman

Don't ask me what the point of a cornicopia is... after all this time on the DFC everything looks phallic to me.anon

No Jeffy, Billy does not have the runs 'cause he has too much fiber in his diet -- he has the runs 'cause he did a double dose of Herbal X after hoggin' a large pizza all to himself!Vice Pope Doug

"Now, if it was full of money, then maybe I could understand the excitement."Paul T. Riddell

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