DFC #99

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Whoo, I remember MY first christmas - I thought the egg nog would never run out! Even Dilbert looked good, but that turned out to be a big disappointment!Yakko

Dad, Mommy says you can stop this reading bullshit. The social work lady just called and said she's not coming over this afternoon, after all.anon

No, daddy, skip the elf shit. Get to the part where the fat dude pulls the B & E.Kitten Head

So if being born in a barn is a bad thing, how did Jesus end up with so many followers?Anastasia

can WE go stone non-believers too, Dad?anon

Hey Daddy, look! My body looks strikingly like an eggplant! This'll make the Enquirer for sure!"anon

"Nice job on PJ, dad. Like you always say, 'If it's too tough to draw, just forget about it.'"anon

"Look at how cute you three are... I bet this is your first circle jerk!"anon

Thanks for this shapeless gown, Dad, but I had been thinking more along the lines of Victoria's Secret when I asked for underwear for Christmas.The Incorrigible Welshman

Look, I don't even care that you guys are all reading "Playboy" together. It's the manner in which you're concealing it that I find totally tasteless...Kurt L.

Daddy, how come we don't get to blow up airplanes like other religions do?Kurt L.

You mean to tell me that Mary was a virgin at the age of 33? Fer' Chrissakes, I had trouble holding out past my 5th birthday!kafka

God knocked up some underage girl without her even knowing about it? Why the hell isn't the law going after this bastard?Greg J

Generic DFC Caption #801 - Quick pull my finger before my head causes me to topple over!Yakko

You know dad, I have learned how to read and this "make the story up to go along with the pictures to trick the kids into thinking that I am not illiterate" thing does not work anymore.thhhhppt

"A virgin and three wise men? Not in THIS cartoon, lemme tell you!"Mr. Clean

So Joseph got off the paternity rap by claiming it was God's kid? Good thing for him they didn't have DNA testing in those days, huh dad!paTRICK heSTER

This black skirt is very stylish Dad, but it would look much better with your white lace blouse.Zebra

Jeez Dad, it's bad enough seeing that little turd PJ's face on the milk cartons, didja have to go and get it monogrammed on your shirt?ferret

You know what I want for christmas, Daddy? A background. A nice, simple background. Maybe a picture hanging on the wall. Perhaps a plant. I'm just so tired of living in this lifeless void that is your career.ferret

Well, I see you've found the book where I hid Jeffy; that's two down, one to go. I think, however, your search for Billy is going to be a bit more.... uh, challenging. Tell me, how long do you think Billy can hold his breath?ferret

What ever happened to that ol' myrrh-whore, Mary, anyway?The Giant Zrk

Dad, why don't we lose this Judeo-Christian crap and get a real religion?Church of the James Brownians

So while Mary was giving birth to Jesus, what was Joseph doing in the back of the manger with those sheep?Don Spudleone

Suddenly Dolly realized why daddy always wore frosted glasses--from this one angle she could see he had the eyes of a killer, and was just waiting for the right moment to take out everyone in one final blaze of glory.Ethelred

"Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem?" Why didn't Joseph knock the piss out of her, like you do to Mommy when she rides your ass?The Lawyer

Hey, this is great stuff! Did anyone buy the movie rights to this yet? It could be huge!Kurt L.

Lets play a game! I'll be the Virgin Dolly, tied down in the barn. You can be the three wise men, bearing presents...Dave the Fave

So if you believe in virgin birth, how come you went ballistic when I had my false alarm?Anastasia

C'mon. Hurry up and get to the part where the Anti-Christ comes in.Anastasia

Hey... In bible study class they never mentioned anything about Mary getting "done" by an "anthrax-ridden ox!"Orion the Hunter

Read the part where God visits Mary in the form of a swan again, Daddy! His Imperial Majesty

Zo, Papa, read again how ze Jews kill der Jesus... how we must join der Fuhrer in ridding der Fatherland of gypsies, mental defectives, and parasites!orlando

Don't get me wrong, it's a cute story but it still needs some zip. How about a car chase?zazu

So can we strap antlers to our heads and dance around blood sacrifices like they did in 'The First Christmas'?orlando

So why didn't God have to pay child support for his bastard, like you have to pay for Dennis Mitchell?The Lawyer

"Saved the MIDDLE of your lap for me, didn't you Daddy? And why is Mr. Winky peeking out?"Mr. Clean

"Get those two amateurs off there, and lemme show you what a PROFESSIONAL lap dance feels like!"Mr. Clean

As Dolly spoke, Bil just watched her mouth... those full pouty lips and soft tongue...Evil Ed

Jesus' Daddy got a lot nicer after Jesus got born. Why didn't that happen to you?Vice Pope Doug

"PJ looks remarkably happy considering that his lower half has been severed from his body... or is that just shock?"anon

I just got that part about "the Holy Spirit came upon Mary."Roy

You know, Daddy, I still haven't figured out how you manage to read through those totally opaque glasses..The Outsider

Back to the DFC Archive index