The Annotated DFC : Dr. Cuthbertson


In DFC #238, the Keanes visit their family doctor, Dr. Cuthbertson. The good doctor returns to the DFC captions regularly; he's even written a few scholarly papers on the Keane family. Dave Matthews gives us his full name (Dr. G. Henry Cuthbertson) in DFC #350.



DFC #238
Judging by those screams, either the gas wore off prematurely, or Dr. Cuthbertson is acting out his gay, pedophillic fantasies on Billy again. --Magus

Cuthbertson -- Cthuthu, Is there a connection? --living a lie

Judging by the screams, I would guess Dr. Cuthbertson really is in. In Billy, that is. --Hugh Jass

No, Mommy, I disagree. I highly doubt Dr. Cuthbertson ever changes the sign. It's simply a device to show the average slap-ass reader out there that we are, in fact, in a doctor's office. --Mighty Owl

Cuthbertson? Awww... I thought you said we were taking Jeffy to see Dr. Kevorkian! --Ratman

"Are you sure that Dr. Cuthbertson can cure Billy's Tirrets syndrome?" (in background) "whoaaaaa im trippin my nut sack into a frenzy of dik play!!! whoaaaaa im trippin my nut sack into a frenzy of dik play!!! --anon

Well, sure, I guess we can save a few bucks by going to Dr. Cuthbertson, but doesn't it bother you that his clinic's slogan is "As seen on 60 Minutes"? --bobo

"Cuthbertson? Cuthbertson? What the hell kind of name is that? Whatever happened to surnames like Johnson, Anderson, and Smith?" --agm



DFC #240
Seems Cuthbertson did her in-vitro too, and HER kids came out with melonheads. Class action, here we come! --Gen. Sedgwick


DFC #258
Yes, and thank you so much for calling, Dr. Cuthbertson. My deformed left hand really needs corrective surgery, and we couldn't call you because Daddy won't draw a keypad on our phone. --Mop-n-Glo


DFC #263
Why, no, Dr. Cuthbertson, I haven't noticed any unusual side effects from the medicine. --Namgubed the Merry Elf


DFC #273
Mom! It's doctor Cuthbertson! The test results are in - I AM a girl, after all! --Nobody's Uncle


DFC #331
"You're taking this pretty calmly. Dr. Cuthbertson upped your dosage?" --Heath


DFC #346
"Mom, quick! Call Dr. Cuthbertson! I've got disco fever!!" --the skyclad answer


DFC #350
"Two nostrils! Two wonderful nostrils! I can smell more of life now!" (Music up) Look great...at a low rate...with Doc Cuth...bert..son! (Voice-over) The Dr. G. Henry Cuthbertson Center for Reconstructive Melonhead Surgery, Northstrip Shopping Center, minutes from the sewage plant. --Dave Matthews


DFC #360
"While Bil Keane tries to hide his political affiliations, it is reflected in his body of work. In this illustration from Keane's novel, Farm Animal Circus, the will of the proletariat is shown being restrained by the Capatalist system, while the ruling class is clearly a puppet of the uncaring bourgeoise." from Keane Observations of the Human Condition by Dr. G. Cuthbertson. --bobo


DFC #366
"Exhibit #366: Here again Keane exaggerates the size of his wife's breasts while portraying himself as both small and remote. The icicles serve as a metaphor for their marital troubles, and the disembodied meat... well, you get the idea." - from Circumscribed: Sexual Repression in Keane's 'Family Circus' by G. Cuthbertson, Ph. D. --Gen. Sedgwick

What, Doctor Cuthbertson told you we weren't getting enough carbon in our diet? --Rotter



DFC #369
"Well, we called Dr. Cuthbertson, but all he did was thank us for sparing him the trouble of an autopsy." --Sean Q


DFC #384
Look. See?! You just cover Billy's exhaust pipe, and he stalls. I'm not sure whether to call Dr. Cuthbertson, or the AAA. --Dan Jones (thanx to the yellow asterisk)


DFC #402
Even if her son was the Messiah, even if he was ascending into heaven... even so, she would still give him his eardrops first, like Dr. Cuthbertson insisted! --Arthur Jackson


DFC #407
"Dr. Cuthbertson said the tumor could only be treated with radiation. Dad figured he'd save a few bucks and have Billy alternate sitting real close to the TV with defrost cycles in the microwave. We buried him on a Tuesday." -Dolly Keane, The Unauthorized Autobiography --Sean Q


DFC #444
"Dr. Cuthbertson? Yes, I just got your package. Yes, HA-HA, verrry funny. I get the point Doc, I'll eat more fiber, just knock it off." --Prof. Moriarity


DFC #445
"When asked to fill in the word balloons, the patient claimed the children were saying We hate Daddy. Daddy's so good to us and we hate him anyway. He tries, he really does, but it'll never be good enough for us selfish little bastards. Why, he should pick up the tire iron and bring it down on our melon-like skulls over and over and over... At this point, the patient became agitated and had to be restrained. I've got his nuts attached to a car battery even as we speak." -- Journal entry by Dr. Neil Cuthbertson, Capp Asylum, used as evidence in United States v. Keane --Pete

As the jaundice spread into his drawings, alert readers began phoning Dr. Cuthbertson. Sure enough, Bil not only had hepatitis A, B and C, he had gone On Beyond Zebra. --Ken



DFC #451
"It's alright to hug me now -- Dr. Cuthbertson says the penicillin cleared everything up." --Helder