The Annotated DFC : Psychic Fern and Friends


In DFC #201, the first of the Psychic Household Items bent on world domination was captioned. The Psychic Fern started off as a mind-controlling house plant. Its goal was to take over the family and earn sweet freedom.

"Come, dear," said Thel in a robotic monotone, "we're all going to the nearest cliff to leap happily to a messy death." The Psychic Fern merely watched as its nefarious plot for more panel time, possibly its own comic strip, unfurled. [DoomTrout]

Eventually, it spawned the sub-joke :

The fern laid in wait. His time would come. His time would come. [The Stripper With The Heart Of Zinc]



Swayed by the mighty mental powers of the fern, Billy tried in vain to get the rest of the family to invest their paychecks in Jobe's Plant Spikes. [Prof. Moriarity]

Yes, I saw th' plant move outta Dad's ways too, but we're probably better off not knowing how or why... [Doc Evil]


While the humans were distracted, the plant edged itself into one more panel in the Family Circus, one more panel on the way to it's own cartoon, and one more panel on it's way to freedom. [The Boy]

"Yes, O Psychic Fern, I have heard and done your bidding. I have placed the two parental units under my hypnotic control and the others have been sacrificed to your Greater Cause. I only ask that you think well of me when you rule all." [DoomTrout]


The Keane family squabbled noisily as the Psychic Fern's ally Ugly Lamp moved in to alter Bil's tax returns. [anon]

"It was the right decision. That fern was getting too damned uppity." [DieBilDie]

Okay, the potted plant is already clearly attempting to take over the DFC, and now the Plaid Clothing empire's gotten into the picture. What's next? [Magus]

Thel opened the door and in ran Jeffy, with the melon-eating hedge in hot pursuit. [anon]

As the remainder of the Keane family gaped dully at the Physics lecture, the Psychic Fern's special unit Withered Tree watched from the window. Soon they would know all they needed and humans would no longer rule the household... [anon]

While Dolly's innocent questions about catheters completely distracted Thel and PJ, The Plant snatched the opportunity to absorb Jeffy. [Podbeing]

It's no use. She obeys the Fern now. [sigar]

Known for his bizarre last-second decisions, Bil cut the fern from the final take. [Namgubed the Merry Elf]

The fern laid in wait. His time would come. His time would come. [The Stripper With The Heart Of Zinc]

Armed with a nearby bush, the blood-thirsty oak waited paitently for them to within throwing range. [Drummer]

The huge, misshapen bird in the window waited. It's time would come...it's time would come. [zen]

The Killer Space Needle waited quietly in the background. It's time would come.... [phil]

The psychic fern sighed as it approached the Keanes' house, penniless and dejected. Having failed miserably in the real world, and spent all its money gambling and on hookers, it had no choice but to return home. [agm]

The Tree leaned forward anxiously. The door was open and the children were distracted. This might be its big chance... [Podbeing]

The psychic fern stood in the snow, shivering, the damp coldness penetrating its bark and bitterly chilling its roots. Freedom was not worth this. [agm]

"It's wierd - ever since the dog ate that strange fern, the kids have been catering to his every whim." [Westur the Unspeakable]

"We're clearing out all the potentially psychic knickknacks before their time comes." [Orrin Bloquy]

"Pull my feather duster?" P.J. thought. "I thought that joke was gone with the psychic ferns..." [Mokohki-chan]

The Psychic Chinese Food Take-Out Box sat, its senses blurred by cheap whiskey. Its time came and went long ago, and now its only comfort came in the knowledge that its miserable existance would soon end. [Jamey 'Crisis' Powell]


Okay, everyone give a hand to Agnes Crabtree who won the "I Want to Appear in the Difficult Zone" contest with the correct answers of Marfan and Vice Pope Doug! For those of you playing at home, the DZs in this panel: (a)Jeffy uses his Hypno-Hair on Agnes; (b)PJ offers her the chance to pull his finger; (c)Dolly enters with "Extreme Shopping!!! SURGE!!!; (d)Billy pulls off a double by trippin his nutsak while using poop to remain wher he is; (e)while Thel gives a rousing Food on you, plate!; (f) the cart is full of Soylent Green and Psychic Ferns; and finally (g) Bill and Roy stayed at home to do drugs and sodomize young boys!!! Again, thank you Agnes! Everyone at the DFC hopes to see you again soon! [Elbow (who think that there ain't a chance in Hell this will make it to green.)]

The psychic list's time had come. Its finger would be pulled. [Ken]