The Annotated DFC : Thel's Cleaning Obsession



DFC #256
"I gotta hand it to your polishing skills, Thel. That's the cleanest fucking vacuum I've ever seen." (10 extra credit points for spelling 'vacuum' correctly) --Tillman


DFC #366
Thel, on a typical amphetamine binge, finally gets around to cooking dinner at 2am after frantically scrubbing the entire house for the previous 19 hours. Her bleary-eyed family is understandably miffed, though Dolly notes that she's never seen a tablecloth actually shine like that before. --anon


DFC #371
I always suspected Mom used a little extra "motivation" to scrub the counters to a mirror finish. Then one day I found her amphetamine stash. When I came down several hours later, I could see my reflection in the driveway. - Dolly Keane: The Unauthorized Autobiography --Sean Q


DFC #376
PJ closes his eyes in disgust as Thel, after her midmorning Percodan and gin sling, once again tries to wax anything thay doesn't move fast enough to escape. --Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier


DFC #388
Thel checked her watch and sighed. When would she finally be home, where so many flat surfaces waited to be polished? -- Crazy Climber


DFC #390
Thel sniffed disdainfully. "I suppose you'd call that shiny. Nothing like my refrigerator, of course...." --Raven


DFC #391
Thelma Keane Hometown: Adelaide, Australia. Birth sign: Cancer. Measurements: 38-13-35. Hobbies:Sperm-burping, housework, camping. Turn-ons: Shiny surfaces, hallucinogens, cold cash. Turn-offs: Cartoonists, poverty, whatever the kids just did. --Gen. Sedgwick


DFC #394
Look, why this emphasis on cleaning? Haven't you ever heard of Photostop? --Horselover Fat


DFC #399
Mind if we hand out in here for a while? Bil's on another cocaine, tequilla, and pez binge, and Thel's trying to clean the carpeting to a mirror finish. --Helder

"After giving birth to my fourth child, I was so overweight I bent my hospital bed. When I got home, I started a low-carb diet and a strict regimen of counter-scrubbing calisthenics. Within two months I was back down to a size two." -Get Off Your Fat Ass, Already!, by Thel Powter-Keane --Sean Q



DFC #400
"Mind if I polish the lines off your floor?" --Heath


DFC #402
"It's Martha Stewart. She wants to know how you managed to clean the air to a mirror finish." --Helder


DFC #403
"Mom says to get the hell off the sidewalk - she just polished it!" --Westur the Unspeakable


DFC #404
That's the third plate we lost today. I know you like it shiny, but arn't you going over the top just a little with an industial acid wash? --Mr. ?

Remember, Mom -- clean dishes are enough. You don't have to scrub the dishwater itself. --Heath

"For someone who cleans so compulsively, you sure do smell funny from down here!" --Heath

I think it's time to rinse mom. You've already scubbed the pattern off, and we're hungry again. --lefty



DFC #418
Well, I finally got the broom away from Mom. Of course, now she's polishing the driveway, but at least we have a LITTLE carpet left! --Kal


DFC #423
Only one thing to do, thought Thel, Polish it till all that nasty writing's removed. --Ken


DFC #424
Coming soon in a limited engagement, the Keane Family Players' Mary Poppins. Come out and hear all your favorites including Just a spoonful of soylent helps the methadrine go down, Oh it's a jolly holiday with you, Roy, Hookerlongnecksingletitcookthedogandpolish, and of course Feed the oing, tuppence a jar. Call now, tickets are going fast. --Ken


DFC #427
"Mom, please stop polishing the lines out of the curtains with your hair. You know that freaks me out." --Kai Robinson

"Forget it, Mom. NASA would never send you up there just so you could polish it." --Stickboy

"It spends fifty percent of its time waxing... does that remind you of anyone?" --hangtown



DFC #430
Thel stared in disbelief at the shiny horn. Had Billy found somebody else to do his polishing? --scoob

"My God", thought Thel, "it's, it's shiny." Forty two hours and sixteen cases of Pledge later, Billy could see his reflection on every ceiling in the house. --Eric the Black



DFC #432
Mom, I would just like to say, that after all the years of drugs, violence, polishing, and general wierdness, THANK YOU for these vibrating panties. I'm going to bed now, and I may never come back., --Bri-boy

"And then I went on the ferris wheel while Daddy and Billy went...What is it? You're not listening to me, are you? Oh, shit, you're fantasizing about polishing my uvula again, aren't you?" --Torc.



DFC #437
All we have to do is mention how dirty the fireplace is. By the time she finishes polishing the inside of the chimney, we'll be 100 miles away from here! --anon


DFC #438
"Shine? Oh for chrisakes, look who I'm asking!" --Helder


DFC #439
You have to eat it! If you don't, how can I possibly clean and buff your plate to a fine sheen? --Coalcracker


DFC #441
DFC Puzzle: Find the mistakes in this picture. 1. Jeffy is thinking. 2. Only the top of the turkey is polished to a shine. 3. The dining void is not entirely featureless. Note: Thel's torso misaligned with her abdomen is not a mistake thanks to a kitchen accident early in this scene's shoot. -- Crazy Climber


DFC #446
"It just figures that your blood would have a pine-fresh scent." --Helder

Not satisfied with the cleaning power of ordinary nail polish remover, Thel gives the pliers a try. --Westur the Unspeakable (yeeeOUCH!)

"When your fingers start to bleed, Mom, it's time to stop washing your hands!" --me, myself, I

You've been washing your hands for two weeks now. Just walk away, man. Just walk away. --Mr. ?



DFC #453
"Jesus... if Mommy catches a whiff of that dust plume, she'll have this room painted in iodine in ten minutes." --Svingen


DFC #457
"I'll give you 10 seconds to wash off that dirt before I immerse you in a nitric acid solution."--Svingen

"It was a mistake coming to Thel for help. Soon, Billy would be pre-treated, soaked, scrubbed, pre-treated again, and finally washed in "hot" with chlorine bleach. We were lucky to have any hide left." -- D. Keane, Memoirs--LuvBJones

Billy tensed as the diabolical Finger of Cleaning inched closer.--El Caballero



DFC #458
Thel keeps things so clean that even PJ's used diapers are pearly white.--frer


DFC #465
"There!" She was unerring...no matter how well I hid it, she always won at 'Spot The Shiny.'--Stan Xhiao


DFC #466
...dum, dee dee, yes sir-ree, a shiny mattress is a happy matt-- Thel froze. There was a TOY on the matress! A filty, germ-ridden TOY! PJ, sensing his mother's mood swing, tried in vain to cover his mistake, but too late...--Tom. Just Tom.


DFC #469
Thel signaled urgently: The railing needs polishing!--Ken